Heavy, Left Handed and Candid
by Ozzy
Summary: Sequel to The Pain of Loneliness. There's a plot for world take over, and it's up to Vegeta and his family He's with Pan to stop it. The problem is, none of them really care enough to do anything about it...not for easily offended people.
1. Prologue: Where the hell did you learn t...

Beads of sweat trickled down Mandy's nose, before dripping down to her lap. She was wearing one of of those headset telephones, listening intensely as none other than Vegeta was feeding her instructions from a tower on the other end.   
  
'O-ok.....alright, I've done that, now what?' she asked shakily, while staring into the rainy darkness outside of the window in the front of the Boeing 747-900.   
  
Vegeta, who was in a control tower at the airport fed her the next instruction. 'Right. Next, you pull the throttle up. This will land the plane.' The room was tense, as more than ten people watched Vegeta save the plane, which was attacked by terrorists. The room was deathly silent as they watched the plane land on the runway in front of them. The nose dipped down and the place erupted into cheers. People hugged eachother in merriment, all congratulating Vegeta on instructing Mandy how to land the plane. Pan ran up to him and leapt into a hug. He swung her around so as to not be knocked over by the force of it.   
  
'Vegeta...that was wonderful! You did a wonderful thing tonight by saving that plane!' squealed Pan in delight (not that she truly cared). Vegeta put his hands on his hips in a fake bravado pose.   
  
'Well...it was all in a day's work,' he said cockily, making his voice abnormally deeper. Pan laughed and hugged him again. He set her down when he heard urgent cries from Mandy. He put the headphone on again.   
  
'What is it, Mandy!?' he said in his normal voice, sounding concerned.   
  
'How the hell do I put on the brakes!?!' she screamed frantically. The color drained from Vegeta's face when he realised he couldn't remember. 'Hello!?? HELLO!!!??' He snapped back into reality and shivered.   
  
'I remember!' he declared hopefully. 'You pull the big lever that's to your right, towards you, then divert all power from the engines by flipping the switch next to the engine pressure thingie, and press the big red button that says 'Do not push',' he said confidently. He waited a few seconds for her reply.   
  
'There is no lever to my right!'   
  
'Umm......the one to your left then,' he said nervously.   
  
'There isn't one to my left either!'   
  
'Just press the red button, woman!' She did so, and suddenly her seat ejected from the plane, sending her soaring into the night sky. The room froze, and broke into a panic when they realized that the plane was on a direct course with the tower where they were.   
  
'Vegeta!!' yelled Pan 'Where the hell did you learn to fly planes!?' He looked back at her, flustered.   
  
'I didn't! I just said what the dude in Turbulence 3 said!' The look on Pan's face when Vegeta told her this was priceless, but Pan didn't have time to do anything but say 'Shit' meekly before the plane crashed into the control tower, blowing it to kingdom come in a fiery explosion.   
  
(Cue Slipknot, My Plague)   
  
The Adventures of   
  
V V EEEE GGGG EEEE TTTTT A   
V V E G E T A A   
V V EEEE G GG EEEE T A A   
V V E G G E T AAAAA   
V EEEE GGGG EEEE T A A   
  
&   
  
PPPPP A NN N   
P P A A N N N   
P P A A N N N   
PPPPP A A N N N   
P AAAAAAA N N N   
P A A N NN   
P A A N N   
  
  
Or THE PAIN OF LONELINESS 2 (Only without the pain or the loneliness. Come to think of it, Vegeta and Pan aren't the protagonists in this fic....)   
  
A/N: Righto. There's been quite some demand for this. 5 reviews I think. Plus, it's fun to write. Anyway, this is the sick, sadistic, candid, erotic, funny, insanely zany and drug filled sequel to the Pain of loneliness. It may be a sequel, but it's different. The world is not the serious place it used to be, as you will soon realise. Oh, just so you know, there is a plot somewhere in there.   
  
For the purpose of having fun, ki is hardly used by any of the Saiya-jins, as they enjoy the challenge of life without.   
  
Oh, yes. I strongly advise you don't try any of the stuff in here at home. Remember, public humiliation, drugs other than crack, murder and discrimination are bad things. 


	2. The Bus Sketch

Vegeta stopped roaring into the mic, finishing the last song of the night. The audience of uncountable thousands cheered as Pan, Vegeta, Angela, Matt and Axel, who was the drummer and Vegeta and Pan's son, left stage. They all headed towards their own showers respectfully. When they were cleaned of sweat, and changed into clean clothes, they bailed into their private bus.   
  
'Jesus Christ. that last song was fast!' exclaimed Pan.   
  
'Yeah, I know what you mean,' said Matt. 'My fingers click when ever I move them after playing for that long. Next time let's drop a few songs, yay?' he suggested hopefully, even though he knew they couldn't. Pan sighed and shook her head tiredly.   
  
'Nay. We can't let our fans down,' she pointed out after she slumped into her bed and lay down. 'We said 20 songs, and we have to stick to 20 songs.'   
  
'Not necessarily,' said Vegeta as he got into the drivers seat of the massive bus. 'Vegeta Enterprises owns us, and I own Vegeta Enterprises. We could do whatever we want,' he finished cockily. Angela scoffed.   
  
'You mean you and Pan own it,' she reminded.   
  
'Yeah, but if me, Vegeta, Axel and Kakaratt die, Vegeta Enterprises goes to you and Matt,' said Pan, who was rolling her head on the pillow.   
  
Axel spoke up for the first time, as he was eating before. 'Bhut mouthure,' Pan interrupted him.   
  
'Swallow,' she instructed in a deadpan tone. He swallowed his food and started again.   
  
'But mom, you know we won't all die. It takes a lot to kill a Super Saiya-jin,' he said while puffing out his chest. Pan sighed. He had the facial features of Goku, and his eyes too, but had that impure and slightly twisted look that Vegeta carried. His hair cascaded down his back in thick black strands, but was very human like, and wasn't spiky like a Saiya-jins'. He was a goth who was happy more often than not, but was manic depressive, and frequently fell into suicidal fits of depression. Even when happy, he was rarely hyper, like his sister.   
  
'Oh really?'   
  
'Yeah! We're invincible! Nothing can kill a Super Saiya-jin!' he declared. Pan sighed and glared at Vegeta.   
  
'Vegeta, you're the one who always tells him this crap.' She turned back to Axel. 'Remember the tale of your great grandpa Goku? Freeza killed him and he was a Super Saiya-jin. He came back because of the dragon balls, but he was beaten. Vegeta's son from the future was killed, and he was ascended.' Axel just rolled his eyes.   
  
'Yeah whatever. I've heard these stories again and again. I don't even think that there was a Mirai Trunks, and when Goku died he was only at level one,' said Axel skeptically. 'Besides, you two were blown up by a jumbo jet last month, and you came out just fine. Further proof that we're invincible!' This time it was Vegeta who sighed at his son's ego.   
  
He was still unhappy about the loss of all those Vegeta action figures. 'You don't understand! I know it's a setback that we'll get over, but it's the principle of the thing! *Nobody* hijacks a plane transporting action figures of ME and gets away with a simple death! I have the right to flay their skin off and dump them in a salt factory! And......and god knows what they were doing with those dolls. They were anatomically correct,' finished Vegeta suspiciously.   
  
'Thanks for the mental picture dad,' said Axel distastefully. 'Besides, you and mom are the ones that age but never mature.'   
  
'I even went backwards!' stated Vegeta proudly, now forgetting the doll talk.   
  
'We don't really age either. Vegeta looks just like he did when he was 25, and so do I,' said Pan offhandedly.   
  
'Lucky bastards,' grumbled Angela, who while still beautiful, had lost that look of youth. 'I'm nothing but an old maid of 40. You're 40 as well, but you look 20. I don't even know how old Vegeta is, but he looks 20 too!'   
  
Vegeta turned the keys and the bus rumbled to life. He exited the parking lot and took off down the street. 'I'm 85. Older if you count the years in the room of spirit and time. Actually, when I was 20 I was still a kid. I didn't come to look like I do now until 25. It's all part of being a pure blooded Saiya-jin.' A short silence came over the coach, when Vegeta ran over a pothole in the road, causing the whole bus to rattle.   
  
'Vegeta, I hate to complain, but why the hell can't you get a hover bus like everyone else?' asked Matt. 'This has to be the only thing with wheels on the road. The way the bus shakes is disorientating.'   
  
'What can I say?' Vegeta slammed his foot down on the gas pedal and turned to the highway, which was bustling with hovering autos. 'I'm a classicist. Besides, it's a symbol of my power. You have to be very rich to afford a vintage coach, and very powerful to get past the laws about fossil fuels. Normally things like this are kept in museums, not doing 150 on a public road.'   
  
'Your doing 180 pops,' pointed out Axel, who was looking over his father's shoulder. Vegeta looked down at the speedometer.   
  
'So I am.' He sped up to 220.   
  
'Gee dad, if you went any faster you might break the speed limit,' said Axel sarcastically. The speed limit was 80 for manual drivers and 180 for vehicles with automatic drive.   
  
'Rubbish. Road laws for vehicles with combustion engines ceased to exist years ago. Hey, let's put the nitro on!' Vegeta's hand wandered to the switch that could blast the bus to speeds normally impossible for anything on the road.   
  
'NO!!' came the shouts of everyone. His hand retracted.   
  
'Ok, ok! No need to be bitchy. I wasn't really gonna do it here. I'm saving it for a housing estate anyway. Might be able to kill someone.'   
  
'Vegeta,' warned Pan.   
  
'What? You knew I was evil when you bonded to me!' exclaimed Vegeta.   
  
'Vegeta,' began Pan in a deadpan tone. 'Nobody buys that "I'm evil and I'm gonna destroy this mud ball planet any minute now" act. You're as evil as Britney Spears is talented.'   
  
'That was low! Even Kakarott was more evil than that!' protested Vegeta.   
  
'Who's Britney Spears?' asked Axel.   
  
'Nobody worth mentioning again, son,' said Pan with a yawn before laying back in her bed and getting under the covers. 'I'm going to sleep guys. We have a long concert to go to, but first Vegeta and I have that fucking board meeting tomorrow. We're sleeping on the way there. Axel, take the wheel. Vegeta, come to bed,' she said with open arms. Vegeta got up and stretched. He walked over to the bunk bed Pan was in and got in with her before closing the curtains that hung from the bed above them so that they were surrounded on all sides. Axel took the wheel drove towards Saiya-jin City (Formerly called Satan city). Matt and Angela got into their respective beds and closed their curtains. Silence ensued for the better part of ten minutes.   
  
Almost as an afterthought, Axel said, 'And no sex while I'm awake,' which was followed up by some scrambling and hushed whispers coming from Pan and Vegeta's bed. Axel smirked and turned on the radio before settling into his seat. 


	3. The Office Sketch

A/N Well, look at all my reviews. All *counts them* 5 of them! I was kinda hoping for more.   
  
From now on, I think I'll try to reply to my reviews. I don't do it in my other fic because I feel my comments would make the fic seem less serious.   
  
Sailor Bob: Don't worry, the drugs and sex and booze all come in very soon. (I've written as far as chapter 7. I was just debating whether I should post it or not.) I was just developing the plot and introducing Axel, who plays a big role. In this very chapter we see Trunks asking to puff the magic dragon, and then.....best not to spoil it. The big drugs don't come in till later. I'm just saving the best for last. And regardless, my humor is a certain type. Some people will find this fic funny, some won't. It depends on the person.   
  
Just gonna mention this one more time. *If* you thought the prequel to this was "Risky" or "Stepping over the edge", then I think this fic isn't your cup of piss. On the other hand, if you thought it was too tame, you'll hopefully love this. There are lemons, bloody, horrible torture involving bondage, beating and biting (all part of the lemons) and every street drug I could name (sometimes used during/before/after the lemons).   
  
---   
  
The bus pulled into the underground parking lot beneath Vegeta Enterprises' headquarters. It was a massive building of glass and shiny metal that gleamed in the sun. It was situated at the very heart of Saiya-jin city, the largest and most expensive city in the world. The bus drove to the bottom, which was reserved for executives only, and double parked, trapping 5 limos. The gang got out, refreshed from a good night's sleep and headed for the elevator. Matt and Angela got off at ground level, saying they were going out, and Vegeta, Pan and Axel continued up to the 200th floor.   
  
'Is something wrong, Vegeta?' asked Pan, noting that he wasn't moping about having to sit through a meeting. He glanced at her with one eyebrow raised and shook his head.   
  
'No. I'm feeling relaxed. It's because we got that stupid elevator music replaced with death metal. I feel like I could spend hours in here. Maybe even days...if you were here. With me. Alone and oxygen deprived,' he said suggestively.   
  
'DAD! Don't......do that!' said Axel uncomfortably while shaking his hands at them.   
  
'What?' said Vegeta with a smirk. 'This?' He put his hand on Pan's ass and she smiled sweetly at her son. Axel opened his mouth to protest, but nothing came out. 'Or maybe you mean.....this,' he raised his hand from her ass and placed it on her breast and squeezed. Axel blushed, put on a pouty face, crossed his arms and turned to face the wall.   
  
'Vegeta! You've probably traumatized the boy!' scolded Pan with a barely suppressed laugh.   
  
'Whatever,' answered the Saiya-jin prince as if his son's mental health was irrelevant.   
  
The lift went ding and the doors opened. Axel sped out of the confined space and rushed to the window, passing Kakaratt, his twin sister on the way. She was given the feminine version of her great grandfather's Saiya-jin name. She was tall and thin, but with the natural muscle that came with Saiya-jin women. Her powerful cheekbones and sharp eyes and nose were framed by long spiky hair which looked like Vegeta's when cut, but had grown longer and arched down her back. Everything about her body screamed Saiya-jin warrior. Seeing the two of them next to their parents made it obvious that Axel was like his mother, and Kakaratt was like her father.   
  
She was clad in leather boots, black and pink striped stockings that came up past her knees, leather skirt, tight black shirt and a blue denim jacket. She had burn-on tattoos, and piercings in her eyebrow, ears, lip and tongue. She wore no makeup.   
  
Upon sighting her parents she stalked over to them. 'Where have you two been?' she said calmly, yet with irritation obvious. 'And why are you not in formal attire?' Pan and Vegeta were in their street wear. Boots, leather and everything not formal.   
  
'Guess,' said her brother without turning from the window. Kakaratt sighed and rubbed her forehead.   
  
'Again? Dad, you have kept a roomful of the top CEO's in the world waiting for a half hour. Do you have any idea how many "favors" I had to give my half brother to keep him here?' she said flatly. If her parents didn't know any better, they'd think she meant it. Fortunately, they did know her better. They did teach her everything she knew, after all. 'And mom. I know your hooked on dad, but if you keep slacking off your work, you'll get worse deals because the fat cats in there will lose what little respect they still have for you. As co-owner of the biggest and most powerful organization the world has ever known, you need to be more professional.' Vegeta scoffed.   
  
'Somebody needs to get laid,' he said, referring to his daughter.   
  
'I'm still tired after last night. I OD'ed again and can't remember how I got here this morning,' she said before turning tail and walking back to her desk across the room. Vegeta smiled at her.   
  
'She always was my favourite brat.' Pan elbowed him.   
  
'Oh, and dad?' she called from behind her desk. 'The Mafia called and invited you to attend a dinner at Vinnie's tonight. It may be an invite, but I'd say if your weren't who you are, you'd be dragged in by your balls. It's important,' she finished sweetly with a small grin.   
  
'Ouch,' winced Vegeta in reply.   
  
'One more thing, dad; the meeting?' she said, motioning to the big mahogany double doors with her head. Vegeta nodded and strode into the conference room. It was like any conference room: A long desk lined with big chairs, a white board and a TV screen to display things of importance, all surrounded by room height windows. The people at the conference were all rich and powerful CEO's dressed in normal formal attire. Pan waved at Trunks, who was representing Capsule Corp. He smiled and waved back, getting a few disapproving glances from the others. Pan and Vegeta walked to the end of the table where there were two chairs. Vegeta picked one up and threw it out into the reception area. He sat in the other one, had Pan sit on his lap, and got on with the meeting.   
  
------   
  
Some time later, the meeting was still going on.   
  
'So you see, Mr. Vegeta, we think that by working together, we can increase profits by 4%,' said a young woman representing one of the smaller multinational companies. Vegeta looked up from Pan's neck where he was paying attention to before and glared at her.   
  
'Vegeta Enterprise's gross annual income has more digits that I have inches!' He got shocked and offended looks from most people. 'Well...almost,' he corrected himself with a cocky smirk. 'Why should I care about increasing that by 4%?'   
  
'But sir, your talking about billions of zeni. Surely that much would make a difference?' Vegeta went oddly still and Pan squirmed. He leaned forward so that he was closer to her.   
  
'What part of "I'm filthy stinking rich and I don't need any more fucking money" don't you understand? Maybe a few billion is a lot to you, but to me it's nothing. Now take your small company and fuck off,' he said mockingly. He drew back and rested his hand back on Pan's lap.   
  
'B-but I'm with Microsoft!' she said, offended.   
  
'Never heard of them. Next? Ah, my eldest son. What about CC?' Trunks, who was blushing, handed Vegeta a handheld computer with the specs of their past dealings on it.   
  
'Nothing much to report, other than we've upgraded our research facilities, and...and...a....F-father!' He hissed in a hushed whisper. 'Pan!' Pan looked at him and smiled shyly, her face flushed. Her forehead was shiny with sweat and her hair clung to her face.   
  
'Y-yeah?' replied Pan breathlessly. Trunks looked at her disapprovingly and sniffed the air for emphasis. Pan opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Instead she exhaled a breath she'd been holding, smiled blissfully and leaned back against Vegeta, who smirked and leered at his son, who was blushing furiously. Some of the other more observant people at the table blushed and/or shot Pan and Vegeta extremely dirty and/or offended looks.   
  
--------   
  
Hours later   
  
The meeting was dragging on as normal. Pan was walking around the room and Vegeta was doing one-fingered hand-stand push-ups on the table.   
  
'Mr. Vegeta!' Vegeta stopped in mid push-up and looked to see a gruff old man at the end of the table opposite Vegeta's chair. 'Your childish antics do not impress us! We have been here for hours enduring your abuse and sick humour and are tired of it! We have important business to attend to.' Vegeta sighed and flipped down so that he was in a crouching position.   
  
'Listen to me, and listen good. All of you, with the exception of Trunks, demanded to see me and Pan in person. I hire people to do this stuff for me, and my daughter was here all summer taking meetings, except when she was doing drugs....never mind.' Vegeta put on a look that was a sheepish as any he'd ever put on. It was still fairly evil looking. 'I guess that explains it. I must apologize. Anyway, the bottom line is, my company makes its money through its own resources and through making weapons for the governments of the world. Understood?!' The man nodded.   
  
'Good! Now, I'm hungry. I didn't have any breakfast before this meeting. Unless you can talk about something worthwhile......' complained Vegeta.   
  
'Well.....we could order some Chinese food before continuing,' suggested a young blonde woman to the right of the man. Vegeta scampered across the table, grabbed her head between his hands and placed a loud kiss on her forehead.   
  
'*That* was the only good suggestion I've heard all day!!' he declared loudly. 'In fact, I think Pan and I will go and get some. I'll get our receptionist to take orders. KAKARATT!!!!!' Kakaratt strode in with her notebook in hand and a joint in the other, having heard her father's idea from her desk. It took 15 minutes, but the orders were placed and Pan and Vegeta left. As soon as the doors closed Trunks spoke up.   
  
'They're not coming back, are they, Kakaratt?' She looked at him with a pitying look and took a drag from her joint.   
  
'No.' Trunks sighed stressfully.   
  
'I should have known. Oh well......Hey Kakaratt, are you going to finish that?'   
  
--------   
  
I haven't asked for these in fucking ages, but please review! My dwindling reviews are making me feel bad *pouts*. 


	4. The Curse of Fatal Death

Vegeta put on his game face and stepped out of the limo. He was standing in front of a mansion on a hill, surrounded by land, and with a driveway leading to huge gates. The lights of the mansion reflected off his groovy shades and he grinned. A large bouncer approached him and spoke in an Italian accent:   
  
'Mr. Vegeta, Don Vinnie will see you now. I'lla takea you to him. Dis way sir,' he said motioning for Vegeta to come with him. He walked into the mansion and took Vegeta to the ball room, making him wait just outside. Vegeta waited and waited and waited. It seemed like forever he waited. After a minute he got fed up with waiting and blasted the door off it's hinges. The moment he walked in, the lights came on, lighting up the dark room and dozens of people yelled 'SURPRISE!' The next sound was of a bottle of champagne being opened. Vegeta turned to the source of the noise and came face to face with Don Vinnie.   
  
'Hello again Dona Vegeta,' he began in an incredibly thick Italian accent. 'We havea held dis party in commemoration of your saving ofa that shipment of Mafia owned, pirated Sailor Moon actiona figures. Onea yeara agoa today you did not only that, but you saved my daughter Maria's life by blasting that bus full of unlicensed dentists and Canadian chiropractors that was about to a hit her. I drinka to you, my friend!' said the tall, fat Vinnie before pouring two glasses of Champagne for himself and Vegeta. Vegeta raised his eyebrows and clinked his glass with Vinnie's and drank down.   
  
After drinking enough to kill a whale (literally) , and talking with all the other Dons there, Vegeta sat down with Don Vinnie. Vegeta looked at him with wobbly eyes. 'So tell me Vinnie, you wanted to talk with me about something other than congratulating me, didn't you?'   
  
Vinnie nodded. 'Yes. I'vea heard news on the market about somea kind of...of....well, the source wasn't sure either, but word has it that somethinga big is going down. Like, take over the world big. The Mafia doesn't have the type of resources that Vegeta Enterprises has. You have access to top secret files froma governments, to terrorist groups all over the world.'   
  
'And you want me to see if I can find anything,' finished Vegeta. Vinnie nodded.   
  
'Yes. Please. Any information, and I owe you a favour.' Vegeta agreed and went back to the bar.   
  
-----   
  
Meanwhile in the Capsule Corporation kitchen...   
  
'And then Vegeta almost threw the Minister of Defence out the window because he voiced his objection about Dad doing.......things to Pan in the middle of the meeting!' said Trunks to Bulma, recounting the whole meeting. Bulma burst out laughing once again.   
  
'Was that before, or after he pretended to be desperately afraid of the fly in the room?' she asked, giggling.   
  
'Before.' Bulma had been howling with laughter the whole time that Trunks had been relaying the happenings of the meeting to her. 'It's amazing how successful they've become. If I did that it wouldn't result in anything good. I'd be put in the loony bin for sure. I still find it kinda hard to believe that that's dad. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. On one hand, he cares enough to actually raise Kakaratt and Axel, but on the other hand, they both turned out to be lunatics with disturbing mental problems. Would I really want to be that way?' Bulma burst out laughing again and pointed behind Trunks. An annoyed cough came from behind Trunks and he slowly turned around, gulping when he saw who it was.   
  
'Hello, Trunks,' said Kakaratt, who was obviously annoyed, but was also quite amused. 'Did you forget I was coming over to visit?' Trunks cleared his throat and gulped again.   
  
'Y-yes Kakaratt, I did forget you were coming over to....do the things you do....why *are* you here?' Kakaratt rolled her eyes.   
  
'Do I really need an excuse to visit my niece? Or is she my cousin? I'm never sure. Not that it matters. Where is she?' As if on cue, a girl with cyan hair that was pointy and jutted out like Goku's, and ocean green eyes, came running in screaming. She ran over to Kakaratt and hid behind her legs. Bra came running in after her.   
  
'Kina! It's time for bed!' She stopped running when her eyes fell upon her half sister, who was staring at her with a cocky smirk. 'Oh! Hi Kakaratt. You here to see Bikini?'   
  
'You know she hates that name, Bra. And yes, I am here to see Kina. Why else? To see Trunks?' finished Kakaratt with a tone of absurdity. Bulma let out a short, but loud burst of hysterical laughter before quickly shutting up.   
  
'Hey!' protested Trunks.   
  
Kakaratt bent down and hoisted Kina into a sitting position on her shoulder. Kakaratt went up the stairs and made her way to Kina's room. She shuddered upon entering the room, which was covered in pink everything. She set Kina down on the bed and sat next to her. Kina jumped when she saw a new tattoo on Kakaratt's hand.   
  
'You got a new Tattoo! Lemme see it, lemme see it!' Kakaratt complied and showed her niece her hand. It was of a dragon going into her hand. She turned her hand over and on the palm was a tattoo of the same dragon coming out. 'COOOL! Did you get any other new ones? Didya?'   
  
'Calm down, brat. I got the one on my hand, this one,' she lifted her hair off her neck showing one there of a black rose. 'This one,' she showed her leg, revealing one of a snake winding it's way up her to her thigh. 'And this...Actually, I'd better not show you that one.'   
  
'Please????' begged Kina.   
  
'No,' said Kakaratt sternly.   
  
'Why not? I won't be traumatized if it's blood and guts. I can take that stuff. I gutted a fish one time! Or is it where.....' Her mouth was on the shape of an 'O' when she realised why she couldn't see it. She suddenly grinned. 'Where is it!? You got it down there, didn't you?' Kakaratt was highly amused. She didn't expect sweet, little, pure and innocent Kina to figure it out at this age.   
  
'Maybe, but I think you're too young to look at it it,' said Kakaratt.   
Kina interrupted Kakaratt, much to the older Saiya-jin's annoyance.   
  
'Hey! You don't think I'm too young. What you mean is you know mom thinks I'm too young, right? You got your first Tattoo when you were 7. Besides, mom said that you were corrupting me, and she told that to you. Remember when she told you to stop talking about death and bloodletting and witchcraft and stuff with me?' Kina chirped, knowing that she was right. Kakaratt glared thoughtfully at her.   
  
'That's my little hell raiser. Keep on shocking people,' cooed Kakaratt while ruffling Kina's cyan hair. There was a short comfortable silence that lasted until Bra poked her head in the door.   
  
'Kina, go to bed. You've got school tomorrow.' She turned to Kakaratt. 'And you have school too, Kakaratt. It's the first day of your junior year, and you've been transferred from Saiya-jin High to Orange Star High,' said Bra sternly. Kakaratt glared at the Bulma look a like.   
  
'What are you, my mother? I know what my schedule is. I made it myself, except for the part about transferring. That was done because it was Chi-chi's death wish.' Bra huffed.   
  
'I'm old enough to be your mother.'   
  
'Yeah, but you're not. You're my half sister, therefore I'm entitled to hate you. Get lost.' Bra smiled at this comment.   
  
'You're just the same as always. I love you, even though I think your one of the most messed up people I've ever met. I don't know who's worse. You, your zany brother, you crazy mother or our insane father.' Kakaratt smirked.   
  
'I'm the worst. My bro gets too depressed, and my parents may have been bad in their day, but compared to me, they're nothing more than the average rebels.' Kakaratt began to laugh maniacally for a few seconds before getting herself under control.   
  
'Yeah, right!' exclaimed Bra. 'We both know that dad's the worst. You never do things that are morally wrong, unlike our satanic pop.'   
  
'Well, it depends what your definition of morally wrong is, Bra,' said Kakaratt, somewhat mysteriously, flashing her long, sharp Saiya-jin fangs. She got up, waved bye to Kina and left.   
  
Kina took a puff of the joint that Kakaratt had given her on her way out and coughed. 'This is some good shit,' she exclaimed in a really, really high voice, much to Bra's horror.   
  
------------ 


	5. Evil Shows His Face

A/N: es, the titles for this and the last chapter have no bearing on the story, but they look cool. So sue me.  
  
Hmm....Random stats, if you were wondering about the age of the various characters (not all of them will appear in this fic):   
  
Pan: 40   
Matt and Angela: 40   
Kakaratt and Axel: 16   
Vegeta: 85 (87+Room of Spirit and Time)   
Bulma: 90   
Trunks:52   
Goten:51   
Gohan: 58 (59+ROS&T)   
Goku: 80 (82+ROS&T)   
Chi-chi: Deceased   
Bulma's parents: 110+ (both alive)   
Yamcha: 90 something   
Videl: 59   
Hercule: 99   
Ozzy Osbourne: 77   
Kina: 8   
  
  
  
  
It was the first day of school at Orange Star High. Kakaratt and Axel stared up at the huge building that was the number one school in the world. It was nothing like their old school. At their old school, they reigned supreme in the hierarchy. This school was not only famous for its lack of metalheads, but it was notorious for its blonde body builders and ignorant teachers.   
  
'You lucky bastard!' Hissed Kakaratt to her brother. 'You only have to be here today, then it's back to finish the tour with mom and dad. I'm stuck here all year.' Axel just smirked smugly and slowly nodded his head.   
  
A senior in a red hover convertible pulled up to where the two Saiya-jins were standing and hopped out. He looked at the two and scoffed, coughing 'losers' under his breath and walking off. Kakaratt groaned.   
  
'It's gonna be so hard to convert this school to us-ism. I've only stood here a minute, and already I've seen eleven blonde guys with big muscles.' Axel looked at her and nodded in agreement.   
  
'I don't even know if it can be converted,' stated Axel. The bell went just then, and the two walked into the front building. Everyone was blonde, save for the odd brunette. They both had raven hair, so they stood out. Everyone else wore white and other light colours, so much so that Axel and Kakaratt seemed like black and white people in a colour film. They went to the classroom they were meant to be in and took up seats in the back. Within minutes the class was full, and a teacher was at the front.   
  
'Hello class, and welcome back. For those of you who can't remember my name, it's Mr. Dickson.' Kakaratt had to force herself from laughing at his name. He was a young man, in his second year of teaching. 'We have two new students in the back. What are your names?' he asked.   
  
'Axel.'   
  
'Kakaratt.'   
  
'Hi, Axel and Kakaratt. Tell me about yourselves. What do you like? Any hobbies?' Axel and Kakaratt looked at each other bluntly before Axel spoke.   
  
'I'm a professional drummer. My band has my parents and two of their friends in it. I enjoy books, the supernatural, and the odd beer. I have a photographic memory too, so in class I don't listen, as I've already read the text books cover to cover and I can remember every letter. That's all have to say,' he said flatly.   
  
'I see....' said Mr. Dickson. 'And you, Kakaratt?' She stood up and did a cute smile.   
  
'I love sports, fighting, any drug I can get my hands on, distilled Vodka, Bourbon, and a few other things. I bet I could take on anybody in this room!' Some of the Blonde Body Builders (BBBs from now on) snorted.   
  
'Yeah, right. Let's see your muscles,' said one.   
  
Axel coughed. 'I didn't mean in a fight,' she said slyly. This didn't cause people to hoot, as she expected. Instead, they scratched their heads in confusion.   
  
One with muscles so big he couldn't put his arms down stalked over to her.   
  
'So, you mean sex?' he said stupidly.   
  
'Holy fuck,' she whispered loud enough for him to hear. 'Someone noticed! Grandpa Gohan always said that people here were naive, but I guess he was wrong,' she said sarcastically. He growled and was about to lunge at her, but the teacher barked at him to sit down. He did so, begrudgingly and took the seat below Kakaratt. The rest of the lesson was just talking among the students. Kakaratt was bored, and was swinging her pencil around. She looked down at BIF (big ignorant fucker, the guy in front of her) and almost burst out laughing when she saw that he had a builder's ass crack. She dropped her pencil down, and it lodged perfectly. He didn't notice.   
  
The teacher called him up front, and the whole class saw the pencil sticking out. The girls started giggling, and the guys sent jeers at him.   
  
'You've got a pencil down your crack!' Bif picked it out and looked around furiously, searching for the one who did it. He spotted Kakaratt waving to him in the back of class. He instantly broke out in a mad run for her. From her point of view it look just like that time when Brolli came to earth for the 7th time and chased her. BIF leapt at her and took her to the ground. He began to beat her. The other BBBs rushed to him and tried to pry him off her. Axel watched in a bored fascination. He knew that Kakaratt was getting off on it, and could stop him when ever she wanted.   
  
Kakaratt leapt up and got into a fighting stance. Unlike all the other Z fighters, she was never trained in martial arts. She instead learned street fighting. She was panting lustfully. 'Hit me again,' she said. She licked the blood from her busted lip and drank it down. Bif leapt at her again and kicked her right in between the legs, sending her to the ground. She groaned and motioned for Axel to get rid of him. In a flash Axel knocked out Bif. The bell went and gradually the room emptied, the blonde class going to spread the gossip.   
  
Axel help his sister up. 'You ok?'   
  
'Oh yessss,' she purred. 'That was.......pleasurable. Even when I'm not using ki, it takes a strong person to hurt me.' She looked down at Bif. 'Poor guy. So easily angered. So stupid. Hey, where'd he go?' she said when she noticed that Bif was missing, suddenly not there.   
  
'I don't know. He was there a second ago. I guess he left.'   
  
Axel and Kakaratt were hailed by the teacher.   
  
'Now, I know it's your first day, so we'll let you off this time, but there is a school uniform. All dark colours are forbidden.' Axel's jaw dropped. 'You must wear bright colors, and be happy!' said the teacher with a sickeningly sweet smile.   
  
'Are you mad?' asked Axel ludicrously. 'What kind of rule is that?'   
  
'It's a very important rule. This school is in the middle of a very formal neighbourhood, and we must seem proper and formal.'   
  
Axel shook his head in astonishment. 'Who the fuck made that rule? Nobody has the right to make a rule as senseless and offensive as that!' Mr. Dickson grew angry at Axel's use of language.   
  
'Listen, you! Don't take that tone with me. What would other people think if they heard you talk like that!? Go to the principal's office!' Axel huffed and walked out the door. 'And you, Kakaratt. I've seen your type before. Sick disgusting freaks. You will forget these dangerous obsessions and be like a normal person. Women shouldn't be acting the way you do. If you have sex before you're married, then god will punish you by sending you to hell.'   
  
*Been there, done that.* thought Kakaratt boredly, recalling the time she got to visit her great great grandfather Bardock, and her grandfather King Vegeta.   
  
'I'll send for a priest to confess you tomorrow.'   
  
'What the hell? I'll do whatever the fuck I want! And can I have some leeway? That Bif just beat the shit outta me!' The teacher's face went red.   
  
'I don't know who this Bif person is, but you should go to the principal's office too!!' Kakaratt left in disbelief, not planning in any way to visit the head of the school.   
----   
  
Axel stood outside the office of the principal, Mr. Johnson. He walked straight in, not even knocking. There was no one there. He walked in and sat in the comfortable chair behind the desk. He put his huge boots up on the desk, cracking a photo. Just then, he heard the faint footsteps of someone. He decided to make an impression. He picked up the phone and started yelling into it. Just then, the principal came in.   
  
'I DON'T CARE, YOU MOTHER FUCKING TWAT! WHAT? NO! WHEN I FIND YOU, I'LL EVISCERATE YOU IN THE MOST HORRIBLE MANNER POSSIBLE AND THEN RAPE YOUR CORPSE, YOU FUCKING SLUTTY CUNT!!!' He then slammed the phone down, breaking it, and smashing the mahogany desk down the middle. He looked up at the principal and smiled sheepishly. 'Sorry. Oh, that was your mother. She said she'd call back.' The princpal just stared in shock.   
  
----   
  
Kakaratt was walking through the school halls, just looking around, lost amid the masses of blonde body builders, when someone ran up beside her. 'I have a question. Are you bi? I heard that you were bi. Does you being bi-sexual mean you have a penis?' Kakaratt searched his tone and face for any sign that he was messing, but found none. He genuinely didn't know. She thought him to be born an idiot, and would die one.   
  
'Sure, why not?' she said quietly to herself. 'Yes. It means that I have both a penis and a vagina, because I'm like Bill Gates,' she said sarcastically. The little bastard squealed and ran off in an excited rush, fully believing her.   
  
'What a loser. He's probably a twatty person who loiters around the girls' bathrooms and wears his baseball cap at a stupid angle. Anyway, I'm not bi. I'm tri. I'll try *anything*.'   
  
Kakaratt suddenly realised that she had no idea where she was going. She saw a (gasp) brunette, and approached her.   
  
'Excuse me, what period is this?'   
  
'It's lunch time. School's almost over. Duh,' she replied. Kakaratt blinked.   
  
'What do you mean? School just started an hour ago.'   
  
'Man, are you ok?' Kakaratt smiled and answered in a dreamy voice.   
  
'The pixies must have taken the time away.' The other girl backed away a little. 'Oh....sorry,' said Kakaratt sheepishly. 'I sometimes have lapses in sanity.' There was suddenly a loud roar, and a tall but skinny black kid with a huge afro barrelled into Kakaratt and smashed her into a locker, causing a Kakaratt-shaped dent.   
  
'Kakaratt, man! Whatcha doin' woman?' he said in a high voice, not unlike the stoner black man in Scary Movie or Chris Tucker. Kakaratt turned around and looked at her attacker.   
  
'Oh my god! Qbuu! (Son of Ubuu). I didn't know you went to this school! Gimme a hug!' The oh-so-appropriately named Qbuu gathered Kakaratt into a hug, crushing in power.   
  
'Tell me my bruda,' began Kakaratt in a mock voice. 'How's life been treaten' you?' Qbuu set her down again.   
  
'Jus' fine. Come on, I'll tell you the whatsits and stuff over a plate o' chips.' Qbuu led Kakaratt to the lunch hall. It was your stereotypical cafeteria with picnic benches and all. Qbuu sat down at a table and motioned for Kakaratt to join him. Just then, Axel approached from the crowd of BBBs and teenyboppers. When he laid eyes on Qbuu he stopped dramatically and held out his arms, waiting for a hug. Sure enough, Qbuu leapt into his arms, wrapped his legs around Axel and started to bounce up and down going 'Oh yeah' in an Eric Cartman voice. 'Fuck me harder!' A few teachers were giving them both very weird looks. Axel headbutted Qbuu in return, thus finishing greetings.   
  
'Hey look! It's the prince of blackness!' exclaimed Axel jokingly.   
  
'Hey look! It's Axel "I'm not gay but I only have sex with men",' retorted Qbuu. Axel punched him in the arm. 'Ok! It's Axel "I'm not a girl but I haven't a penis anywhere on my person.' All three laughed out loud and sat down.   
'Anyway,' began Kakaratt. 'Qbuu, you were about to tell me something?'   
  
'Yep,' confirmed Qbuu. 'The vast majority of people in OSH are BBBs, bimbos and faggots. There are a few people who are different though. That kid over there.' He pointed to a kid with long shaggy hair and a big beard. 'Is Jesus. Respect him! That's R.E.S.E.C.P.T' The two not-quite-3/4-but-more-than-5/8 Saiya-jin's nodded in instant understanding. Every school had a kid who thought he was Jesus.   
  
'Over there,' he pointed to a short, fat, stupid kid who looked like he hadn't hit puberty yet. 'That's Pubert. He's the school idiot. Nobody likes him.'   
  
'Haha!! You'll never believe what he said to me a few minutes ago!'   
  
'What?' asked Qbuu and Axel.   
  
'He asked me if my being bi meant I was a hermaphrodite!' The three started to laugh loudly. 'It reminds me of that time that transvestite was getting close to me at Vegetafest.'  
  
'Man, what a fucking idiot!!' laughed Axel, wiping away a fake tear for drama effects. He looked around on the ground, and finding a stone, threw it at Pubert. Just milliseconds before it would have hit him, something caught his attention on the ground. He bent down to pick it up and the stone sailed right over his head. 'Shit! The son of a bitch ducked!' There was a moment's silence, which was broken by Qbuu resuming his speech.   
  
'Over there,' he pointed to a brunette sitting alone. 'She's the school brain. She hasn't got any friends. It's not because she's smart or anything like that. She could be an average student, but she'd still be unpopular because she's a bitch.'   
  
Qbuu continued to point out people of interest for the rest of lunch. They included the school slut, the editor of the school newspaper (AKA the conspiracy theory guy), the caffeine addict, the bully (Kakaratt made a mental note to bully him at a later date), the teacher's pet, the nerd and the guy who didn't stand out in any way whatsoever. He also mentioned the teachers. The maths teacher was a spy during the Cold War. The science teacher was a perverse guy, even though he had no idea that he was. The history teacher was a nut bag who dressed up in clothes of the time for each class. The PE teacher was actually a friend of Gohan's, and the Principal was a general loon. Current affairs was next.   
  
The class, which was Axel, Qbuu and Kakaratt, along with 2 brunettes and 31 blondes, took their seats. A middle aged woman came in dragging a trolley with a TV and video on it behind her. She set it up and put in a tape.   
  
'Today, class, we will study the man known as Vegeta. As most of you know, he is the most powerful man in the world today. In this tape, we will see his biography,' she said evenly in a piercing voice. She turned off the lights and pressed play.   
  
The narrator started talking.   
  
"Today, the most powerful man in the world is Vegeta. Very little is known about him, even though he has dominated world affairs for the last 10 years."   
  
'How long ago was this made?' asked Kakaratt.   
  
'Six years ago,' replied the teacher.   
  
"The earliest recorded sighting of him was 49 years ago-" It showed a film of him during the Saiya-jin saga. "-when he came to earth from outer space supposedly to destroy it." There were gasps from much of the class. The three Z-fighters in the back row watched in amusement.   
  
"   
'Yajirobe: The Saiya-jins are coming to destroy earth, and Son Goku is the only hope for us all.'   
  
This statement is the only hint at what happened. Popular believe is that Son Goku managed to beat Vegeta in combat, once again doing what the armed forces failed to do. Vegeta disappeared for a year after this. The next sighting of him was at Capsule Corporation headquarters. While there he started an affair with Bulma Briefs. With her, he had two children. One the current CC president, Trunks, and the supermodel Bra. Even though he married her, he didn't acknowledge Trunks as his son before the law until very recently.   
  
Vegeta stayed at CC for years, fighting the monster Cell, and training. Nothing much else happened until 16 years ago. He fell in love with Son Pan, granddaughter of Son Goku and left his wife for her. He underwent a radical change in personality during his years with her.   
  
The couple, along with some new friends, started a rock band-"   
  
'That's heavy fuckin' metal, you wanker!' shouted Axel. The teacher hushed him.   
  
"-and within three years had become the most popular band of all time, surpassing even the Beatles and Elvis Presley. However, despite the success of the band, people have gone against him. Here are some opinions.   
  
Middle-aged woman: This band is destroying our youths! God would never want a sick, evil man such as Vegeta to lead! He openly practices S&M and other foul sexual acts, often on stage! He and Pan sometimes involve a third person in their hate-making! I firmly believe that these third persons aren't always alive!   
  
Busted N*Sync Groupie: I have nightmares because of them! All their songs are about death and sex! They haven't even been married before god! How someone like that can become so powerful is horrifying!   
  
The Pope: I condemn Vegeta and Pan. May God have mercy on their souls.   
  
Qbuu: Huh? Hey, cool!! I'm on TV! Hey! HEY! Don't you walk away from me, bitch! It's cause I is black, isn't it!! You won't put me on tv cause I is a different colour from you!   
  
Cameraman: No, it's not that. When was the last time you bathed?"   
  
'That's right,' started Kakaratt, barely able to control her laughter. 'It's not cause he's a busted smelly fucker. It's cause he's black.' The class burst out laughing.   
  
"Both Vegeta and Pan admit to be atheists, sadists, masochists. They admit to practicing or having practised sodomy, witchcraft, blood play, vampirism, frotteurism, and have even hinted necrophilia, though no proof has been found."   
  
'I'd rather not know more than I already know about my mom and dad's sex life please,' said Axel to Kakaratt, who nodded in agreement.   
  
"There has even been an incident in which Vegeta went on killing spree. Vegeta blames it on animal instincts which surface every 8 years due to his heritage. Vegeta has proven himself to feel no remorse over the death of others. There is a great deal of public outcry demanding that he be put on trial for what he has done. When the law confronted Vegeta with it, he issued an ultimatum.   
  
'Vegeta: I'm sick of you people hounding me. If you do not drop the charges and fuck off, I will close my company.'   
  
It may not seem like much, but had he gone through with it, the world as we know it would have ended.   
  
Together, he and Pan set up their own record label. It rapidly grew to become the biggest label ever. Soon, Vegeta began to make other things. Within 5 years Vegeta Enterprises made everything from cars to computers to super nuclear weapons. Further success came when Vegeta introduced alien technology to earth, advancing the planet years ahead. His company became so powerful that the great powers of the world began to quarrel over who had control of the country it was based in. Soon, a war broke out. It lasted only a few days, but through use of Vegeta-made nuclear weapons, a third of the population was blasted from the face of the earth. Unlike previous apocalypses, the population didn't magically reappear afterwards.   
  
Axel's face darkened at the memory. That was a clever cover story made up by Vegeta. What had really happened was that he had reached super Saiya-jin for the first time. He went mad with rage and almost destroyed the world. At the time, Vegeta, Pan and Trunks were on a business trip to another planet, leaving only his twin sister and his grandfather to defend the earth. He was eventually beaten. He had never trained again after that. That was the whole reason he was a goth. The guilt weighed heavily on his soul. The only release he had was that he couldn't remember any of it, so he couldn't recall memories of the deed.   
  
"Vegeta himself somehow managed to single handedly stop the war. He held the world hostage after this, demanding that the world be handed over to him.   
It was eventually done so, and he set up a government which ruled neither below nor above him, but around him. As a result, he is now outside the law, both local and international, and his company is not bound by laws or taxes in any way. The fact is, the world works better now. Vegeta enterprises makes up 75% of the world's economy, and employs 11 million people worldwide. Since this 'New World Order' started, everyone has greatly prospered.   
  
The video was stopped by the teacher, as the class was just about to end.   
  
'There you have it, class. The true story on what happened.'   
  
'Man, that cameraman was crap! He only got my bad side!' complained Qbuu. The class was silent.   
  
'Axel, slap him. He's black,' ordered Kakaratt. Axel slapped him.   
  
Suddenly there was a protest from a large number of the class. Things were being thrown at them like 'Bully' and 'Racist'.   
  
'Shut the fuck up, you stupid bunch of preps! It was a joke among friends!' Eventually, they gave it a rest, leaving Kakaratt and Axel more determined than ever to make major changes in the school.   
  
The bell went. 


	6. Memories or lack thereof

Kakaratt opened her eyes slowly, hissing when bright light assaulted them. She sat up, rubbing her eyes. 'Where the hell am I?' She looked around. *Aww man! I did it again!* She was in a park, in the morning, having spent the night there. She pushed her self to her feet, and pricked her hand on something. A syringe. No, two of them. She sniffed them. One was heroin, the other was cocaine. 'Now I remember!' she exclaimed out loud.   
  
'Oww....' came a groan behind her. She looked around to see someone crawling up.   
  
'Who're you?' she asked.   
  
'You don't remember?' replied the voice. Kakaratt yelped. It was a girl. 'Last night?' Kakaratt shook her head. 'We're in the same class. You, me, your brother and that black dude went out for a night on the town. You found a dealer and got smashed?' Kakaratt shook her head.   
  
'One's coke, the other's heroin. Which did I take?' Kakaratt asked.   
  
'You took them both,' said the red headed girl, who was about Kakaratt's age. 'Then you asked me to have sex with you.' Kakaratt's eyes bugged out of her skull. They were both wearing clothes. Did she really fuck this girl, whom she couldn't remember ever meeting?   
  
'And did I?' asked Kakaratt anxiously.   
  
'It depends. When you asked for sex, I assumed you meant intercourse. It turned out that you meant for me to kick the crap out of you. I don't know. I mean, you were so out of it. I'd say you couldn't think straight.' Kakaratt's face lit up in understanding. She suddenly noticed that she was sore all over.   
  
'And the fact that I'm in a great deal of blissful agony means that you did it?' assumed Kakaratt.   
  
'No,' answered the girl. 'You got into a fight with a nun and you attacked her, only she turned out to be able to defend herself really, really well, and knocked you out. I brought you here last night.'   
  
'Oh yeah! Now I remember!'   
  
-   
Flashback   
-   
  
The nun, who was easily 85, dusted her hands as she stood over Kakaratt, who was lapsing into unconcioness. 'Now remember, sweety,' she said nicely, with no hint of malice, 'that god loves you and your family, even though everybody else thinks you're a bunch of cunts.'   
  
-   
-   
  
'Man. Remind me never to attack a nun ever again,' said Kakaratt. The two got up, dusted themselves off, and walked down a dirt path which led to a fence with a city park on the other side. They both exited the off limit area and made their way to school, talking the whole way.   
  
Just as they arrived at OSH, Kakaratt felt her blood run cold. 'Oh I am fucked,' she said in a deadly whisper.   
  
'What?' asked her companion, wondering what Kakaratt meant. Kakaratt pointed at a huge banner that hung from OSH.   
  
"Drug test today."   
  
'Ok ok, so you've done cocaine and heroin in the last day. It's not that bad. Right?'   
  
'Of course!' exclaimed Kakaratt. 'After all, you have to be at least 16 to be arres.......uh oh. I'm scared. Hold me!' Kakaratt put her arm around the other girl's neck and leapt into the air. The girl had enough cop on to catch her, so that she was cradling her. Just then a teacher came by. The same teacher who had seen Axel and Qbuu in a similar situation on Monday. He looked at them really strangely and walked on.   
  
-   
  
In the first class, Kakaratt and her new friend (whose name she still didn't know) sat in the back. Axel was back on tour to do three more concerts, and Qbuu was nowhere to be found. They were in maths.   
  
'ATTEN-TION!' barked the teacher, who was dressed as an army officer and had huge amounts of medals. He had a really slim waist, and a huge, bulky chest. 'WE DID NOT HAVE A MATH CLASS YESTERDAY, SO TODAY I WILL REINTRODUCE MYSELF,' he said very loudly. 'WITHIN THE SCHOOL BUILDING, I AM KNOWN AS MAJOR ERECTION!' Kakaratt burst out into hysterical laughter. Major Erection tried to ignore Kakaratt. 'I FOUGHT A LONG, HARD BATTLE AGAINST THE SOVIETS DURING THE COLD WAR, AND HAVE RETIRED TO BE WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE: A MATHS TEACHER!' This only caused Kakaratt to laugh harder.   
'Leaping from abacus to abacus, over the vast expanse of calculus!' laughed Kakaratt mockingly. 'Algebra. Geometry. Axial Symmetry. Mighty fractions! Ohhhhhhhh.....I'm a maths teacher and I'm ok,' she would have gone on, but she collapsed out of her seat holding her side, which ached due to laughing so hard. Major Erection glared at her harder.   
  
'MISSY, IT IS A NAME THAT DESERVES RESPECT. I ONCE SPENT 2 YEARS IN A JAPANESE PRISON CAMP LIVING OFF THE BARK OF THE CAGE I WAS KEPT IN. MY NAME, MAJOR LEE BIG ERECTION IS THE MOST RESPECTED NAME IN THE ARMY! WHAT HAVE YOU EVER DONE?!' Kakaratt didn't answer. After about 3 minutes she managed to stop laughing, and with a crazy grin, got back into her seat. 'NOW, FOR THE ROLL CALL!'   
  
He began to ring off names.   
  
'KAKARATT?'   
  
'Here'   
  
'BEN DOVER?'   
  
No answer.   
  
'BEN DOVER?' He called again. Kakaratt was doing her damnedest to keep from laughing. Major Erection decided to move on.   
  
'E. JACK EULATION?' No answer. Kakaratt had both hands clamped over her mouth and was madly kicking her feet to keep from laughing.   
  
'MASTER JOHN THURSDAY?'   
  
'Here'   
  
'A. ROWSAUL?' No answer. 'KAKARATT! CONTAIN YOURSELF!'   
  
'IVAN ERECTION!'   
  
'Nice to know that, sir!' said Kakaratt. Major Erection stalked over to Kakaratt.   
  
'STUDENT!! DO YOU FIND SOMETHING FUNNY ABOUT MY GRANDSONS NAME!?' Kakaratt looked all over the room and saw a student that look a lot like the Major. He was indeed Major Erection's descendant.   
  
'No sir!' said Kakaratt between her sobbing laughter.   
  
'GOOD!' He went back to his desk. 'HONESTLY! YOU'RE LUCKY I'M SUCH A NICE MAN. BACK IN THE BEGINNING OF CAREER, I HAD A FRIEND IN MY UNIT WHO WOULD HAVE TAKEN ACTION ALREADY. PRIVATE PARTZ WAS A GOOD SOLDIER!!' A fresh wave of laughter overtook Kakaratt. Before any more could be said, the door burst open and Axel and Qbuu stormed in. *Oh great* thought Kakaratt. *He put one of the Axel robots in his place to play on stage again.* They were both moving like SWAT police, and had their hands together in the form of a gun.   
  
'Move move move!' cried Axel. Major Erection moved to intervene, but Axel held out his arm to halt him.   
  
'Relax sir!! The situation is under control!'   
  
'WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?!' demanded the Major.   
  
'We are the boner police. I have reason to believe that somebody in this room is on the bone,' he said, as if he were talking into a radio. Several of the guys adjusted their trousers. Axel noted that there were fewer BBB's than normal.   
  
'IVAN ERECTION!' yelled Major Erection. His grandson stood up.   
  
'He confesses!' yelled Axel. 'Get 'em!' Qbuu and Axel began pointing their hands at him and miming using guns, as well as doing all kinds of sound effects with their mouths.   
  
'I DEMAND YOU STOP!' yelled Major Erection. 'DON'T MAKE ME TAKE MY GRANDSON OUT OF MY ARSENAL, AND USE HIS SUPREME POWER TO DISPATCH OF YOU CLOWNS!'   
  
'What was that you said?' Asked Axel. 'Your grandson is jammed up your arse? You're making' no sense man!' Major Erection's face was the brightest of red.   
  
'GET OUT!!!!!!!'   
  
'No can do!' said Qbuu. 'We are also here to warn you that there's a flock of killer rabbits on the lose that love to eat blond people! So be warned!' he said in his high pitched stoner voice. The class by this point was laughing almost as bad as Kakaratt. Major Erection began to chase Axel and Qbuu, who fled comically when they saw him coming. He slammed the door after them and silenced the class. The sounds of them talking outside could still be heard.   
  
---   
  
Axel and Qbuu had just done their raid of the maths room. 'That was good,' commented Axel.   
  
'Wanna go down to the bathrooms and take a few stiff ones?' asked Qbuu. Axel began to back away from Qbuu holding out his hands.   
  
'Ok.....if that's the kind of stuff you're into,' said Axel thoroughly and slowly. 'You do that. You gay bastard!'   
  
'What? I don't know what you were talking about, but I meant alcohol. You're the one with your mind in the gutter.' They walked the halls and came to the bathrooms. There were no signs to say which was the ladies and which was the gents (god...I didn't notice how British that sounded until after I typed it...), but one was in perfect condition, the other was a mess. They went into the one that was a mess. There were broken mirrors, shit rags all over the place, piss and shit smeared on the seats and walls. It stunk horribly. They both went into the stall at the end, which was for wheel chairs, so it was big, and they ripped out the gin and tonic. Halfway through the bottle, some people came in. During the course of the conversation, Axel and Qbuu realised that they were in the girls' room. The girls whispered for a while, then all was silent.   
  
Suddenly, the door of the stall the two males were hiding in burst open. Axel started, and Qbuu shrieked. Before either knew what was happening, the girls held up chloroform rags to their noses, and all went black.   
  
-------   
  
Kakaratt was now bored. The class had ceased to be funny when Major Erection began to teach. The class was almost over.   
  
'NOW CLASS, WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED TODAY?' Kakaratt put up her hand.   
  
'YES?'   
  
'That all the angles in a square are equal.'   
  
'BUT?' he asked, waiting for the answer.   
  
'But...that some angles are more equal than others?' Major Erection's eyes went mad.   
  
'THAT'S COMMUNISM, NOT MATHS!!!!!! YOU NEED TO GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT!!!!' Kakaratt sighed. 'WHY, BACK DURING THE CUBAN MISSILE CRISIS, I WAS ON MY WAY TO THE PENTAGON, WHEN I SAW A TEENAGER SPLIT A KITKAT EQUALLY WITH A 4 YEAR OLD! LET ME TELL YOU, I GAVE THAT KID SUCH A MOUTHFUL ABOUT HOW HE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN MORE DUE TO HIS GREATER SIZE-' Kakaratt began to doze off again, tired of his loud war stories.   
  
---------   
  
REVIEW! OR ELSE I'LL...sorry. Ahem....please forgive me. I forgot to go off the cap lock. Anyway, review!  
  
And from Hikumi, this is my fault that it's up sooo late. I've been really unreliable, and I apologize.  
...There! Ya happy, Ozzy?! 


	7. Dogma

A/N Technically, I haven't written any sex scenes. I just mention what's going on. If you don't like combining sex, blood and drugs, then fuck off. It's all very American Pie-ish. Not to be taken seriously. I was recently told to read a bible by an angry reader. I forgot to mention this, but if you get offended by my stuff, then I win.   
  
I once ate page 666 of a bible....   
-   
Axel awoke in a dark room. He tried to move, only to find he was tied down with heavy chains in an X shape. He was also naked. The room looked like a medieval torture chamber. It had shackles all over the walls, some with skeletons still in them. Flaming torches lined the walls, providing the only light. There were numerous torture devices, such as the rack he was on, and the iron maiden in the corner.   
  
He called out for someone, and a girl came. One of the girls that had kidnapped him. The first thing he noticed was her breathtaking, shocking beauty. A long, black silk skirt with a split in it, revealing long, pale legs. Next came the purple crushed velvet top with no sleeves. Then the long, bare neck. The raven hair, the black lipstick, the impossibly white fangs, the trappistine eyes. He found himself gaping at her. She was everything he had envisioned in the perfect woman. She seductively sauntered over to him. In the smoothest of movements, she gracefully sat on the rack Axel was tied to. She caressed his face with the back of her hand, her long, pale fingers with black nails causing his skin to jump. She leaned over and kissed him on the lips, giving him a perfect view of her cleavage. She pulled away after a long while, leaving Axel gaping at her with lust in his eyes. If he were a weaker man, he might have fainted.   
  
'W-who might you be, oh enchanting mistress?' he asked breathlessly. She gave him a small smile.   
  
'I am Elizabeth,' she answered in a voice both heavenly and sinister.   
  
'Elizabeth, a name so fair. You are truly an angel, a queen of snow. Your impossible beauty is far beyond compare. Your beauty surely has sought the applause of many a man before I, who like me, were instantly enthralled by your bedazzling self?' She blushed ever so slightly, causing her pale pallor to go a very light pink.   
  
'Flattering are you words, but what truth do they hold?'   
  
'All of it. You are truly a gothic goddess.' Her eyes looked down at Axel's, and shone with devotion and love. So there was such a thing as love at first sight!   
  
'And tell me, does thee wish to indulge in my mind, as well as my body, or is it merely as shallow as such?' Axel looked up at her, with tears of happiness brimming in his eyes.   
  
'Be my bride, and you shall know that I hold thee in regard so high, I would sooner die than let thee face a moments pain, lest it was in sync with a furious fuck or other unholy atrocities.' Elizabeth smiled at him and kissed him deeply. She came up and looked at him with affection.   
  
'Then I accept. Nothing would make me happier than to be by your side.' She kissed him again. For the next god knows how long, they indulged in eachother, relishing in the others' embrace in intense, yet sensual lovemaking. And so he wasn't gay....   
  
Meanwhile....   
  
'OH, FUCK, YEAH!!!!!' cried Qbuu in his stoner voice as a hot black chick violently sodomised him with a strap-on while he jerked himself off and smoked a joint at the same time. 'THIS IS SOME GO----OD SHIT!!!!'   
  
----   
  
Kakaratt ducked into the girl's bathrooms, hiding from the teachers, who were rounding up pupils for the drug test. She saw a panel in the wall open up, and Qbuu, along with the black chick, emerged.   
  
'Q...buu? What were you doing in there?' asked Kakaratt with a raised brow. Qbuu grinned.   
  
'This sexy lady here gave me 11 ounces of crack! It's in my ass.'   
  
'Eww! And, by the way, there's a drug test going on, and they're doing cavity searches on people they suspect to carry drugs.'   
  
Suddenly, Kakaratt could hear a teacher and an inspector come closer, talking about cavity searching Qbuu. She told Qbuu this.   
  
'NO WAY! They are not searching my ass!'   
  
'Yes they are!' argued Kakaratt. 'You better get it out and flush it. You two go in there. I'll stall them.' Kakaratt left and stalled them. Qbuu and the black chick went into the stall. Qbuu dropped his trousers and the black chick put on a rubber glove. She was about to go in when Qbuu stopped her.   
  
'Wait a sec! What about lube!'   
  
'God dammit, Qbuu! There's no time time for lube!' she cried frantically. Qbuu looked her dead in the eye and whispered to her face with deadly seriousness.   
  
'There. Is. *ALWAYS*. Time. For lube.' She nodded reluctantly. She lubed up, using the dispensable soap, and crammed her fist up his ass. He shrieked at the intrusion. The two in the hall heard the shriek and rushed to it. She pulled out the crack and flushed it all. There was a banging on the door. Qbuu was still pulling up his pants when the door burst open.   
  
'What is going on here!?' demanded one of them.   
  
'What, here?' asked Qbuu. 'Oh, nothin'. My bitch was jus' givin' me head.' The two men looked at each other and left without a word.   
  
They walked back to the hall where Kakaratt was.   
  
'Now, Kakaratt,' said the teacher. 'We'll be wanting to test you for drugs right now. Please, follow us.' Kakaratt gulped and did so. They eventually came to a room with a nurse and a tiny closet. 'Right, now we'll just need a sample.'   
  
'You mean I have to piss into some little cup? Forget it!'   
  
'No no. We want a blood sample,' said the drug inspector. He pulled out a syringe. 'We'll then put it a computer that will test for drugs. It's very sensitive.'   
  
'Oh. Fine, I guess.' He jammed the needle into her arm and took a sample.   
  
'Thank you miss, you may go now. I'll let you know of the results tomorrow.' Kakaratt left the room. The teacher watched as the inspector put the blood on a slide and inserted it into a weird computer. The computer began to smoke.   
  
'Overload. Overload. To many drugs!' The computer exploded.   
  
'Jesus! We'll have to use the big one.'   
  
----   
  
'So,' began the teacher, as if to start and idle conversation. 'Is she one of these "Saiya-jins" your looking for?' The inspector looked aghast. 'What is it?'   
  
'I can't tell!'   
  
'Really? Why?'   
  
'There are so many drugs in her system it's masking her blood type.'   
  
'Are you saying she was overdosing when she came in here?'   
  
'I'm saying she's always high, stoned or whatever you want to call it. She has lethal levels of smack, crack, coke, dope, heroine, ecstasy, speed, weed, solvents, magic mushrooms, tranquillisers, opium, morphine and even several date rape drugs in her system! Those are just to name a few!!'   
  
'What!' exclaimed the teacher. 'She must be in serious danger! We need to get her to a hospital, and get her off these drugs!'   
  
'No! If she is suddenly deprived of them all at once, it will certainly kill her! She must be let down a step at a time.'   
  
'That poor girl. She must be so unhappy!'   
  
--------   
  
Kakaratt couldn't have been happier. Maybe it was the effects of all the drugs in her system, but that pencil on the floor made her heart swell with bliss. She could feel the tears of happiness brimming in her eyes. She saw her new red headed friend approach her, and threw herself into her arms and sobbed. Her friend, thinking something was wrong, comforted Kakaratt. 'Shh. What's wrong?'   
  
Kakaratt sniffed. 'That pencil over there is so beautiful!' A fresh wave of sobs overcame her.   
  
--------   
  
Axel and Elizabeth had been indulging in each other for hours in the dungeon that OSH seemed to have. Neither knew fully what had come over them, but they had fallen in love at first sight. After being tied down and tortured for hours, Axel was finally free of the shackles. His enchanting mate (bound by blood and magick) had freed him. He wasted no time in tying her to the wall and getting a cat of nine tails. He whipped her with it again and again and again. He lashed her once again, this time drawing blood. She gasped as the pain of it went straight to her crotch. Axel came to her, and gently began to lick the blood from the wounds.   
  
'You blood is like sweet nectar to thee, it's fragrance enthralling, I cannot help being drawn to it, as an Irish man is to whiskey. Appalling, it is to some, but to thee, it is a drug, an aphrodisiac, that I cannot keep from,' rhymed Axel, as he licked the blood from her chest. He trailed is mouth up her neck, licking the bite marks there, still bleeding from bonding to her. He went up further, and kissed her lips, the black lipstick stained with blood. Elizabeth relished in the taste of her own blood. He broke off.   
  
'Oh Axel, I burn with desire for thee. Won't thou takest me once more, upon this cold chamber wall, while I am bound? Then, we may retire, and fuck once more, after sundown?'   
  
'I will oblige, my love, but sundown has long since passed. The great chariot of Apollo dragged the sun on it's mast, below the horizon nearly 200 minutes ago. I wonder, briefly, what has become of my friend with the really big afro? But, no matter. Out of Qbuu and thee, the latter is the one I hold in the highest, of regards. I draw thy naked tool*, and impale thee with it, a mighty passado.'   
  
(*Quote taken from Romeo and Juliet By William Shakespeare, act one, scene one, line 40-something)   
  
An hour later.   
  
Axel and Elizabeth exited the dungeon from the secret panel in the girl's bathroom. They exited into the corridor. It was night. The school was empty and dark. Except for two voices far off. The newly wed couple followed the voices, and found Kakaratt sobbing hysterically over a broken locker.   
  
'It's (sob) so (sniff) sad!' Her red headed friend, who proved to be exceptionally loyal and understanding, was comforting her. Upon their approach, she looked up. Her face lit up, as she had been at a loss before.   
  
'Oh Axel! Help us! She's been crying over silly things all day! I'm really worried about her!'   
  
Axel didn't bat an eye. He had seen Kakaratt like that before. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out some ammonium chloride. He waved the bottle under Kakaratt's nose, and her breath caught. She shot up, panting. 'Dammit Axel! Shit, I mean, thanks.' She brushed herself off and smiled sheepishly. 'Sorry to scare you like that,' she said to her friend. 'I have multiple personalities. Three, to be exact. One is me, the other is that sad sod you just saw, and the other is a lunatic that is severely out of touch with reality.'   
  
'Dude, that must suck ass,' said Elizabeth. Axel looked at her weirdly.   
  
'Why doth thou talk as such?' asked Axel.   
  
'Why whatever doth thou mean?'   
  
'You speak to my kin in a manner so strange.'   
  
Kakaratt looked at the two of them and almost freaked. 'Ok, why the fuck are you two talking like that?'   
  
'What are you talking about?' asked Elizabeth. 'We don't talk weird.' She turned to Axel. 'Do we, my love?'   
  
'Of course not, my languid, dark and lustrous Queen.' He turned to Kakaratt. 'Why do you ask? You trippin' or something?'   
  
'Well....I can't remember what happened to me last night apart from the fact that I got beaten up by a nun....but that's beside the point! And why are you two acting all lovey dovey?' asked Kakaratt, seriously weirded out.   
  
'Well, we bonded. She's mine, as I am hers. Just like mom and dad!' Kakaratt grinned.   
  
'Well, why didn't you say so!? That explains the old English talk.'   
  
'Early modern English,' corrected Axel.   
  
'Whatever. The bond is causing you to act towards eachother the way you feel on the inside, but you only act that way toward each other. You don't notice it either.'   
  
'Could such a thing be true, my love?' asked Elizabeth to Axel.   
  
'It isn't beyond the realms of possibility, unlike a black, Muslim, homosexual or female president of the United States, though I be skeptical as to what truth it may ring.'   
  
'I concur. Though farfetch'd as it my be, there is much that I know not of Saiya-jin bonding, and must not be ruled out.'   
  
'Whatever,' said Kakaratt. She saw something out of the corner of her eye. 'What was that?'   
  
Elizabeth stepped forwards. 'That must be my witches coven! Come on, follow me.'   
  
'There's a witches coven in this school?! I want to join!' exclaimed Kakaratt in shock. Elizabeth shook her head.   
  
'No. This one operates in several schools. They magically move from place to place,' explained Elizabeth. She moved again, and was followed by the rest of them. They went to the assembly hall, where a small circle of people were. Elizabeth dragged Kakaratt to them, and sat them both in the circle.   
  
'Hi guys,' greeted Elizabeth. 'This is Kakaratt. She has a great magick power within her, and wants to meet you all. She expressed a wish to join. Kakaratt, these are Adam, Eve, Cain and Abel,' she said, going left to right around the circle. Two boys, two girls. They all wore gothic clothes. They all greeted her.   
  
'So, what's the news tonight?' asked Elizabeth. 'Oh, but first, I have news. I'm married through blood to Axel, over there. Blood from him, through me, to you, he is now part of the circle.'   
  
'Then congratulations, Elizabeth. You finally got off your ass and tortured somebody until they loved you!' said Cain. A small smile played on Elizabeth's lips, knowing that in the end, it had been she that had submitted.   
  
'Anyway,' began Adam. 'The news is this: recently there have been frequent disturbances in the space time continuum, many of which center around this school. We are keeping it under observation.'   
  
'Now, Kakaratt,' said Cain. 'You are the daughter of the most wise, and munificent leader, Vegeta, are you not?'   
  
'Err...Yeah.'   
  
Abel smacked Cain over the head. 'Stop talking like that!! Your making us look like a bunch of weirdoes!'   
  
'Yeah. After all, there's nothing weird about having the same names as biblical figures and hanging around in schools after dark,' muttered Axel under his breath.   
  
'Oww!!!' whined Cain, his dark tone completely gone. 'What was that for!?'   
  
'For talking like a doltz!'   
  
'I was not!'   
  
'Was too!'   
  
'Was not!'   
  
'Was too!' Cain refused to speak after this. 'What? Oh come on!'   
  
'No,' said Cain. 'You hurt my feelings. I'm not talking to you now.'   
  
'Tch! Fine. Don't talk to me. See if I care,' fired back Abel.   
  
'Alright I won't!'   
  
'Yes you will!'   
  
'No I won't!'   
  
'Oh god,' sighed Eve. 'Do they have to bicker like this every day? Stupid Catholics.'   
  
'Hey!' They both cried at once. Before any more talk could take place, a basket ball smeared in blood rolled up to them. On it read the words: "You will all die".   
  
Kakaratt's red headed friend shrieked. 'Oh god! Oh god Oh god Oh god Oh god Oh god Oh god Oh god Oh god!!!! We're all gonna die!'   
  
Eve laughed. 'Don't worry! This is our holy basket ball of divine truth. It magically appears and tells us what will happen. It's always right. We are all gonna die someday, so don't take it seriously when it says this.' The red head calmed, but was still a bit edgy.   
  
'Hey!' said Axel. 'There's a bit of string attached to that ball!' Just as he said this, the string went taught and the ball disappeared back to the door it came from. A few seconds later, it was thrown back. It said the same thing as before, only after the blood-written "You will all die", it said in black marker: "Tonight". Suddenly, everybody except Elizabeth and Axel began to run for their lives. They all ran out another door. As soon as they left, a guy in a black cloak wielding a butcher knife ran after them, ignoring the two lovers. Axel spoke first.   
  
'Ok....that was....'   
  
'Weird,' said Elizabeth, finishing her husband's sentence. 'I have a hunch that your sister is just running for the fun of it.' Axel looked at her like she had grown a second head. She gasped. 'Oh, shit! I mean...uh...: Thou hast a feeling, deep within thy breast, that thou's sister be jesting when she flees hither.' Axel nodded in approval.   
  
----   
  
The witches coven, Kakaratt and her red headed friend, who doesn't have a name because she's only an extra, were running frantically down the darkened corridors. They had managed to become split up along the way. Soon, everyone was in pairs, except for the red headed extra (RHX from now on), who was alone. She heard a noise behind her, and redoubled her efforts. She came to a stair way, and went up, because going upstairs, where there's nowhere to get out of the building, was obviously the smart option.   
  
She burst onto the roof, and found herself trapped. She screamed as loudly as she could, but no help came. Suddenly, the killer slit her throat and dragged her away.   
  
----   
  
Kakaratt and Adam were walking quietly through the darkened school. They were running away from the killer who they just assumed existed. They heard a noise down the corridor, and ducked into the men's room, which was far cleaner than the ladies'. Kakaratt rested against the door to one of the stalls while Adam had a piss.   
  
She calmed down slowly. She moved one of her feet, only to find it was sticky with something. She looked down, and saw blood. She gasped as she felt the door behind her open from the force of her body weight. She turned around and gasped, before averting her eyes. Adam rushed out and looked at the sight, before screaming. RHX was hanging from the ceiling by her own intestines. By the looks of it, she had been force fed her own face. Her arms had been stripped of all flesh, and were nailed to the walls, so that she looked crucified.   
  
Her torso had a basket ball in it, which read (in blood) : One down.   
  
Adam buried his head in Kakaratt's chest, and sobbed. *God, what a girl* thought Kakaratt. She grabbed his hair and pulled him away. 'For god's sake man! Shut up! We will get out of here alive! Do you hear me!?' She didn't get an answer. Instead, Adam's eyes rolled into the back of his head and blood started to come out of his mouth. Kakaratt dropped him, and saw the killer behind him, brandishing a long, bloody knife, slick from the life of Adam. Kakaratt screamed and began to run. The killer, dressed all in lose black robes and with a really stupid mask, pursued her (in a steady walk, of course).   
  
Kakaratt was running down the corridor, screaming in terror. Suddenly, she stopped. 'Wait a sec. My dad wouldn't want me to run. He'd want me to lie on the ground and die. I think...........Well, screw him.' She began to run again. Suddenly, she fell. 'Ow! My ankle!' she cried painfully. She looked behind her, and sure enough, the killer was gaining on her. She began to struggle forward. She managed to get back to her feet, and began limping away as fast as she could. She fell again. 'My other ankle!' She looked behind her again, but the killer was gone.   
  
She looked around frantically, but he was nowhere to be found. She began to push herself backwards along the floor. She kept going until she bumped into something. With a look of dread, and that purple tint that anime characters get when they feel nervous, she slowly turned around, and looked right into the eyes of..........her brother. Who was holding a bloody butcher knife. Kakaratt sweat dropped.   
  
'Err....hey there, brother of mine. So....um....what are you doing with the knife?' she asked nervously.   
  
'It's not for me. IT'S FOR YOU!' Axel yelled, just as he thrust the knife at Kakaratt. She screamed, genuinely frightened, and ducked her head. She had just been messing around before, but if her brother was the killer...Nothing came. She looked up very slowly, and saw her brother holding the blade, and offering her the handle. Kakaratt raised an eyebrow. 'It's for you. That dude in the stupid looking mask asked me to give it to you while he looked for some bigger weapons.' One look into Axel's "innocent" (and those are sarcastic quote marks) face, and Kakaratt had to "forgive" him.   
  
Kakaratt took the knife and studied it. She got up, her ankles healed (just...don't ask), and faced Axel. She punched him in the gut, causing him to wheeze. 'Don't do that!' she yelled at him.   
  
'Righto,' wheezed Axel, giving her a thumbs up.   
  
A silence descended on them. Kakaratt began to lick the blood off the knife, savouring its taste as it went down. Suddenly, there was a scream. Kakaratt and Axel looked at each other, and bolted towards the noise.   
  
They arrived back in the gym, and found it smeared in blood. The bodies of Cain, Abel and Eve littered the room. Axel looked around frantically, and saw his mate in the middle of the room, making some weird arm movements. He sighed when he saw her.   
  
Suddenly, a tank burst through the wall. A hatch opened, and the killer popped out.   
  
'You have got to be kidding me,' said Kakaratt calmly, but with disbelief. The killer shook his head. 'What kind of killer are you? You're meant to use blades and stalk us from the shadows! Not tanks and big noises!' The killer looked offended, and gave her the finger, before getting back inside. The turret moved, with the sound of moving hydraulics. It came to rest at Elizabeth. Before Axel could even power up to protect her, the tank fired.   
  
----   
  
A/N. I know that in the prequel, a human and a Saiya-jin couldn't bond, but in this they can. It's a different fic, loosely based off TPOL. Review! I personally think this is the best chapter so far. 


	8. Vegetafest

The turret moved, with the sound of moving hydraulics. It came to rest at Elizabeth. Before Axel could even power up to protect her, the tank fired.   
  
---   
  
The shell went flying at Elizabeth, but it slowed down on the way, and came to a complete stop millimeters in front of her face. She moved her index fingers in 360 circles in a counter clockwise motion. The shell turned around. She then snapped her fingers, and the shell resumed moving at the speed it had been before. The tank exploded in a huge fire ball, as it's own anti-tank shell smashed into it. Elizabeth turned her back to the tank and smiled at Axel and Kakaratt.   
  
'Magick. You gotta love it,' she said to both of them. They both breathed a sigh of relief.   
  
Just when they thought everything was ok, the tank wreckage moved, and out of the flaming steel, came the killer. His whole body was burning, and the smell of charred flesh was horrible. 'Smells like hamburgers,' said Kakaratt. The killer raised his knife, ready to plunge it into Elizabeth's back, but Kakaratt got to the killer first. Using only her regular, non-ki strength, she twisted his head off his shoulders.   
  
'What was the point in doing that?' asked Axel. 'He'll just be back in the sequel.' Kakaratt scoffed.   
  
'As if we'll ever be popular enough to support a sequel. Anyway, to unmask this head,' she said. She pulled the mask off and gasped, 'It's that drug tester guy! He murdered all of poor Elizabeth's friends.'   
  
'Umm...actually, those weren't my friends,' said Elizabeth. Kakaratt raised an eyebrow. 'I only detected it when they all began to run, but they were impostors with no magical power.'   
  
'Something fishy's going on here, and I'm not talking about that barracuda in the corner,' said Kakaratt suspiously. The fish in question looked rejected. 'Like what was that guy doing killing people? Who was he? What happened to the real witches coven, and why is Axel groping that wall?' She looked at Axel, who looked back sheepishly.   
  
'Those are all good questions. One might also wonder why America claims to be the most free country in the world, or why only the third world was destroyed when Axel went on his killing binge,' added Elizabeth.   
  
'I was checking for secret passages,' said Axel in answer to Kakaratt's question.   
  
'Be'est thee mad? There be nay such passages in a building of learning, save for the one which leads to mine own chambers,' said Elizabeth.   
  
'Fucking idiot,' laughed Kakaratt, who was still holding the head of the drug fellow. There was a short silence, which was broken by the wail of police sirens.   
'It's funny how they come without being called, and only after the killer is dead. I'm gonna go get smashed. See ya later!' called Kakaratt, as she ran out of the building. Axel and his lovely mate went back to the dungeon.   
  
---------   
  
The school was closed because of the tank incident, so Kakaratt and Axel went to visit their parents. Qbuu didn't come, but Elizabeth did. They were now back stage in a massive set, which had been constructed on a runway at Heathrow Airport, London. The world's busiest airport had been shut down by Vegeta for a few days, so that his concert could have vast numbers of fans attend. From stage, all that could been seen in the nighttime darkness apart from the distant shimmer of lights, were nearly a million screaming fans from all over the world, shouting, fighting and drinking.   
  
Vegeta walked on stage alone, with a piece of A4 paper in one hand. He approached the mic, adjusted it to 5'6 (his boots added 4 inches to his height), and began to speak.   
  
'Ahem. Hello London!' The crowd cheered. 'We will begin our final concert this year in a few minutes. I have been "asked" to read the following statements by several organisations, including the Catholic Church, the World Health Organisation, and the Organisation of protecting innocent untainted mankind, or O.P.I.U.M.. It officially represents my views, and is 100% true.' The crowd roared, and Vegeta smirked.   
  
'I believe in both God, and Jesus Christ.   
I accept them as my superiors, and live my life because I was granted it by them.   
I will not worship the devil, or any false gods.   
I will cease my regular....for-ni-cation with Pan, what ever the hell that means, and marry her in holy matrimony.   
I will remain strictly monogamous, and have sex only when I mean to reproduce. I will only engage in missionary position.   
I will obey each of the ten commandments, and do penance for my past sins.   
I will be baptised, have my holy communion, and my confirmation.   
I will stop my other "Unholy" practices, such as sodomy, blood drinking and drug and alcohol taking, unless it's the blood/wine of Christ.   
When I die, I will apologise to God personally for burning down Notre Dame (I still say that I did it to stop a really big evil thing from blowing up the world).   
I will stop corrupting the youth of the world.   
I will not do anything indecent on stage, in public, or within view of the public.   
I will stop the beating and mutilation of myself, my spouse and my offspring.   
I will cease to verbally abuse everybody I meet.   
I will not promote the use of/act of; drugs, sex, alcohol, satanism, murder, etc.etc.blahblahblah   
  
You know what? I'm sick of this fucking speech already. They didn't even get everything right. I don't believe in Satan. Fucking morons. They remind me of my grandfather in law.'   
  
Vegeta raised his hand and snapped his fingers. Suddenly the whole stage was engulfed in fire. The stage was designed for it to happen, so it was all safe. Vegeta turned around, and clapped once. In the center of the stage, a huge flaming cross rose from below. On it, was Pan. She wore nothing. Her tail was wrapped around her waist, and covered her below the belt. She was suspended from the cross via the large nails through her wrists and feet. Her head was bleeding, and was limp on her shoulders.   
The camera's all over the stage zoomed in, and the crowd cheered.   
  
'Is that all you got!?' Vegeta yelled at the audience. 'This concert is going to be released on DVD! It's on Fuckin' TV!! Come on!' The audience roared in answer. Vegeta motioned to Pan. 'Oops. I guess I forgot to take her down after our last fuck. I hope she's alive, or this will be one really crappy concert.' He knew she was alive. The bond they shared was a pure Saiya-jin bond. That meant that they could read each others' thoughts and emotions. 'Oh, and just so that you guys know, when I first screwed her, she was 17! And still a virgin!'   
  
Vegeta walked up to Pan. He held the document he had just read over the flames on the cross, and held it up high as it burned. It quickly burned out, and blew into the wind.   
  
-   
  
Meanwhile, at the Vatican...   
  
The Pope was sitting in his room, watching Monty Python re-runs. 'Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!'   
  
He laughed. Suddenly, the door burst open, and a large gang of Cardinals came in. He hastily changed to the GOD channel. One of the Cardinals spoke.   
  
'Sir! Vegeta read the papal bull, and burned it, after crucifying his evil "mate".' The pope shot up.   
  
'This calls for immediate action! To the Pope Mobile!'   
  
--------   
  
Meanwhile, in another place.......   
  
'Sir!' said the apostle to the leader. 'It's ready!'   
  
The leader chuckled evilly. When he spoke, it sounded as if his voice was the voice of a million damned souls. 'Good! All the foretold signs are coming to pass. The arrival of the evil one, the birth of the three within the one, and the shift in the space time continuum. Now, we will rise, and destroy our enemies!' He cackled insanely.   
  
'Uhh....no sir. I meant, your apple pie is done cooking...The evil one won't arrive for a few more days at least.'   
  
'..........Oh. Well. I'm hungry anyway...'   
  
-----   
  
Back on stage...   
  
Vegeta was taking Pan down from the crucifix. He gave her some clothes and her 1st edition Fender Stratocaster (guitar) signed by many people, including Jimmi Hendrix, Bob Marley and Santana. Pan raised her bloody hands in the air, and got a huge cheer from the audience. She then proceeded to lick the blood from her wounds.   
  
Axel, who had been watching the scene take place, grabbed a set of drum sticks, and walked out on stage. He got in behind his drums (all Vegeta Enterprises brand) and tested them.   
  
Kakaratt saw the two human members of the band, Angela and Matt, about to go out, but she stopped Matt. Angela went out on stage with her bass.   
  
'Matt, look! It's John Lennon!!' she said, pointing behind him. He just smirked at her.   
  
'Kakaratt, I'm not that old. Now, if you'd said Ozzy Osbourne or Marilyn Manson, then maybe-' he was cut short, because Kakaratt punched him in the face, knocking him out cold. Kakaratt grabbed his guitar before it fell to the ground with him, and walked out on stage, cackling madly. She held her hands and head up high, receiving a huge cheer from the crowd. Vegeta and Pan looked mildly surprised, but said nothing. Officially, she wasn't a member of the band, but she played in at least half their concerts on something. Usually keyboards, but sometimes she'd take rhythm. She once tried to replace her mother on lead, but she may as well have been a small kid trying to play Slayer. One time she was even on bongos.   
  
Vegeta approached the mic, and spoke. 'The first song being played tonight is also the first song I ever wrote. Granted, the lyrics are crap, but the music is great. If you want all those dark foreboding poems, wait for a song that my son wrote. This one is called, "When you gotta kill every mother fucker in the room", and was a number one for 11 weeks in this country! The song after that is called "I fucking hate my grandparents in-law". I'm older than them anyway. Either way, they're both dead.' Axel tapped his sticks together 8 times in 1 second, signaling the tempo of the song, before the whole band shot off into music with mind boggling complexity, and at breakneck speeds, the slowest of the sounds being the lesser sound of Angela's base.   
  
The next songs they played were:   
  
Fuck my ex (up the ass), By Vegeta   
Drunk on power, By Axel   
Pope on dope II, By Kakaratt   
Armageddon, By Pan   
A Scourge on you, By Axel   
Bitter love, By Axel   
The Darkest Dark of the Dark Darkness, By Axel   
You Say Potato, I say Fuck you, By Vegeta   
Women are crap in bed unless they're Saiya-jin, By Vegeta   
Raped By The Dead, By Kakaratt   
Hells Bells, By Pan   
There were, of course, long gaps in between songs, during which Vegeta would muck about on stage. Being recorded for DVD, it had to be good.   
  
Good it was. Among many, many other things, Vegeta had acted out a play he wrote, he screwed Pan out of her mind, blown up a sex doll with TNT, and handed out free condoms. Now, the stage was covered with blood. Every drop of it was Saiya-jin blood, bled freshly. Axel had passed out due to blood loss, and had been carted off stage. Kakaratt was on the floor, in a puddle of her own blood, stoned out of her mind on about a dozen drugs. She had spent the last hour just staring at her hand move back and forth, as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. Matt had played the last three songs in her place. Matt and Angela were both still un -injured, and were now out in the stadium signing autographs. It was time for the closing song.   
  
The lights dimmed, and a red-tinted spot light shone on Pan and Vegeta, who were sitting at the front of the stage, bleeding into the crowd, many of whom were trying to catch the blood on their tongues as it fell. Pan was lying in Vegeta's arms, almost unconscious due to blood loss and exhaustion. Vegeta had an acoustic 12 string.   
  
'London,' said Vegeta tiredly. 'This has been one of our greatest concerts ever. You are our best audience so far!' The crowd cheered. Vegeta was tired and out of breath. 'Tonight we set many world records, such as the loudest noise ever made, the most real, non-animal blood used on stage, the most curse words ever used on a single DVD, and the largest turnout for a single event, EVER. Did you know that this concert could be heard as far away as Paris? It must be those massive speakers I put on the top of the radar tower a few miles east, facing away from this location. Oops. Forgot to take them down. I expect that there are many grumpy people out who have work tomorrow. If they mouth off to you, punch 'em in the jaw and say it's from me. There is also about 3 gallons of my family's blood on this stage!'   
  
'Our last song this evening, will be a song that I wrote....in commemoration of my people. Those of you who read my autobiography before it was banned, due to it's horrific content, will know that my planet was destroyed 79 years ago today. This song is called 'Home",' said Vegeta, before starting a slow, yet powerful song.   
  
At the end, the crowd cheered so loud that Vegeta couldn't even hear himself talk. He picked up the now passed out Pan, and carried her to the tour bus. He went back, and got Kakaratt and Axel. He said bye to Matt and Angela, and got behind the wheel of the bus, not really planning to go anywhere. He just needed a bit of rest. It was then he noticed Elizabeth, when was next to his son (the only one of his sons that wasn't a disgrace, as far as he was concerned, even though he was the weakest of them all).   
  
'Who are you?' he demanded weakly. 'If you're some whore who wants to fuck my son, go ahead. You're fucking hot!' She blushed ever so slightly.   
  
'I'm Elizabeth. I'm mated and bonded to Axel. We met yesterday.' Vegeta nodded.   
  
'Really? Cool....So....how'd you two meet?'   
  
'I chained him up in a dungeon and tortured him.'   
  
'I see. You must be very good together. Just remember what I say: Never marry someone for their money; you can borrow it much cheaper.' Elizabeth laughed.   
  
'So Vegeta, did you lose enough blood tonight?' she asked, pointing to his many self-inflicted wounds.   
  
'Not enough if I'm still conscious, if you ask me. Would you like some?' he asked, holding out his wrist to her. She looked at him with a look that reflected how she felt: Honored; Grateful; Shocked. She was secretly ectasic about talking to her music idol.   
  
'It would be a great honor to drink your blood. I wonder if it tastes the same as Axel's?' She took his wrist and closed her mouth over it, and began to suck. To many, it would seem an intimate act, but to people who do it regularly with many different people, it was no biggie. Besides, they were family now. After about a minute she desisted. She licked the blood from her lips. 'Yum. It tastes very much the same, only it feels more......powerful. I'd say it's because you're a full blood. Would you like some of mine? I'd feel like I'd cheated you otherwise.' Vegeta shook his head.   
  
'I'm not hungry.'   
  
'Hungry? You mean....you actually get hungry for blood?' she asked.   
  
'Yes,' he replied. 'It's a thing about Saiya-jin anatomy that I've learned. The more powerful one is, the more one has to eat. I'm so powerful that normally, I'd have to eat constantly. I discovered that I only need that much food because of a need for vast quantities of iron, and blood has lots of iron. Therefore, I can subsist almost entirely on blood, needing only human sized portions of food for the rest of my nutrients. It's the same with the rest of my family, though only Axel, Pan and Kakaratt do it. In other words, we are the closest thing on this earth to true vampires.' Elizabeth looked impressed.   
  
'Cool. I can only drink so much blood. Once I drank too much and I got sick. You ever heard of the society for anaemic vampires?' Vegeta raised his eyebrows.   
  
'There's such a group? How pathetic. Next it'll be, the society for haemophiliac blood donors, or a group of anarchists organising a protest.' Suddenly, a noise caught his attention. He was looking at two guys in balaclavas break into a truck. He watched as they started it, and sped off. He would have let them go, but he caught a glimpse of the logo on the truck: Vegeta Enterprises. Its cargo: Anotomically-correct life-sized Vegeta dolls. 


	9. chapter 9

-----  
  
Vegeta turned the keys in the ignition, and followed the truck as it   
left the airport. It was a hover truck, of course, and could go at great   
speeds.   
  
It was about midnight, so there was very little traffic in the streets.   
He followed the stolen truck throughout London. It left the city limits,   
and headed south east, and arrived in Dover.  
  
Vegeta had been very discrete about following it (If driving a huge, wheeled tour bus at 180 MPH that said 'Vegeta Enterprises' on the side could be called discrete). Vegeta watched as the hover truck left the road, and   
went down to the beach. He cursed when it went out to sea, hovering over the   
water, in the direction of France. 'I always knew that country was crooked!   
They're stealing my dolls! Christ, I hope they don't get 'friendly'   
with them. I mean, honestly! I wouldn't put it beyond them. They're just   
that weird.'  
  
'Yeah. They planted trees along the "Champs Elysee" so that invading troops could march in the shade,' added Elizabeth.  
  
'Really? I never knew that! Idiots...'  
  
'They're even worse than Canadians. When we mock the Canadians, they go to us "What are you laughing aboot?".' Vegeta laughed. 'But when we mock   
the French, they get all snooty and waiter-like, and stick their noses up,   
as if we were the weird ones!'  
  
'Oh god, it's true! And the Canadians make the worst movies EVER!'  
  
'True, but by comparison, nothing can be worse than American cars.  
  
'Even DOS?' gasped Elizabeth. Vegeta nodded gravely.  
  
'I once had a Ford, and it broke down on me after just 100,000 miles!   
This bus is Vegeta Enterprises brand, and it hasn't broken once, even after   
20 years of driving around the world!'  
  
'I will never buy anything made in USA again...'  
  
---  
  
It was now Friday, and school for Axel and Kakaratt was back. They had   
both fully recovered from their show, and were in high spirits, but these   
spirits were aboot to be extorsized. They were walking to class together, when a large gang of people, blonde and brunette, body builder and nerd alike, cornered them.  
  
One of them, the biggest jock in school and captain of the football   
team, threw a broad sheet newspaper at their feet. Axel and Kakaratt looked   
at the front page. "Satanic Bloodbath in London" It had a big picture of Pan   
on the cross, with Vegeta burning the papal bull. 'Your in league with these   
people? They're you parents? I'm speechless. People like you have no   
place in this world, and belong in hell,' said the one who threw the paper   
down.   
He was backed up by people in the mob agreeing.  
  
'Been there, done that. I was kicked out because I enjoyed it to much,'   
said Kakaratt in an annoyed tone.  
  
'You both need help, especially the she-man! You do drugs! Your insane too!'  
  
'A junkie gets busted every 30 second. And you wonder why we're so paranoid,' argued Kakaratt.  
  
'You hang out in the park at night! That's where the druggies go!'  
  
'That's where Kakaratt lives,' said Axel under his breath. Kakaratt elbowed him.  
  
'You wear all black!'  
  
'We're only wearing black until they invent a darker colour,' said   
Axel.  
  
'You both need serious rehab!' he bellowed, once again backed up by the   
mob.  
  
'Rehab is for quitters. My father taught me never to quit,' argued   
Kakaratt.   
Suddenly, Kakaratt could feel something begin to change inside her. 'Oh   
shit,' she said gravely. 'Axel, I'm changing.' Axel was the only one   
who knew what she meant. She was switching personalities. One was extremely   
emotional, and was embarrassing, but safe. Her other one was very dangerous.   
Suddenly, she got a dreamy look in her eyes.  
  
'Look at you! Your both freaks. The guy is gay! Look everybody, he's wearing   
nail polish! He has long hair! Homosexual! Art fag! What have you got to say   
for yourselves?'  
  
Kakaratt made a playful growling noise, like a dog barking. 'One by one the   
penguins steal my sanity!' She yelled suddenly in a very strange   
accent, causing the mob to startle. The big jock punched his palm.  
  
'That's it, your getting a lesson in sanity, freak!' He took a step   
forward.   
Kakaratt raised her arm, and extended her long, slender index finger   
and pointed at him. Her arm was shaking.  
  
'Stop right there!' she demanded shrilly, with a disturbed look on her   
face.   
The jock smirked. Axel couldn't put a finger on that weird accent. It   
sounded....no. She must have picked it up on one of the tours, he   
thought.  
  
'Or what?'  
  
'I mean it! Don't make me get my flying monkeys!' she shrieked, with a   
huge smile plaster on her face. The guy looked a bit weirded out.  
  
'What are you smiling about?'  
  
'I'm smiling because they haven't found the bodies yet.' she took her   
arm down and calmed.  
  
'Fucking psycho!'  
  
'You say psycho like it's a bad thing,' she said. Axel, meanwhile, was   
keeping a very close eye on Kakaratt's ki. He knew that he wouldn't   
stand a chance against her if she attacked him.  
  
'Your mad, woman!' Kakaratt put on a pouty face.  
  
'I'm not mad. Just ask my camel, Stephen.' Kakaratt suddenly bent over,   
holding her head, moaning. When she came up she looked confused. Her   
eyes lit up when she remembered what had happened. She suddenly didn't want   
to have to deal with the mob, so she grabbed Axel's hand, and for the   
first time in almost a month, used ki. One moment they were in the corridor,   
the next they were in a class room.  
  
Kakaratt looked at Axel with disbelief in her eyes.  
  
'This...' she began.  
  
'Has never,' continued Axel.  
  
'Happened'  
  
'To us'  
  
'Before. It must be stopped,' concluded Kakaratt.  
  
'I'll get on it,' said Axel seriously. 'By next week, this school with   
be ours. Literally. We'll talk about it later.'  
  
------  
  
Science Class....  
  
The whole class was seated when the teacher came in. 'Good day class. I   
see we have two new students today. I'm Mr. Hancock. Now, get out some   
paper, and take notes.' He turned on a projector. 'Today I'll tell you about   
radicals. When the notes are taken, I'll demonstrate static electricity.'  
  
'Now, radicals don't change.....radically,' he said, chuckling to himself quietly at his witty banter. ' When subjected to heat, so matter-' this   
was when Kakaratt stopped paying attention. He went through the notes, and   
got her attention when he started the demonstration. 'Kakaratt?' he asked.   
She looked up. 'Are you listening?'  
  
'Oh...a....sorry. It's just so easy it's boring,' she said honestly.  
  
'Oh....I've go something hard behind my desk. I can give it to you if   
you'd like. It's so hard it's mind blowing. Do you like hard things?' he said   
with playful sarcasm. Kakaratt suppressed a laugh. Barely. *What a bender,*   
she thought.  
  
'No thanks, sir.'  
  
'Ok. Now, I'm going to show how a charged cobalt rod can move a thin stream   
of water.' Kakaratt smirked and put up her hand. 'Yes?'  
  
'You mean your going to change the way the water's flowing with your   
stiff   
rod?' The class burst out laughing. Mr. Hancock didn't see anything   
that may have been suggestive.  
  
'Yes. It isn't charged at the moment, so I'll rub it with cotton. If I   
didn't, the pull on the water would be weak. Watch now as I rub my rod   
with cotton for a better pull.' Kakaratt was trying not to laugh   
hysterically.   
She looked at Qbuu, and at Axel, and both were in similar situations,   
but had it under better control. The rest of the class wasn't quite so out   
of it. 'My rod is quite stiff, so it shouldn't flop to one side like a   
weaker rod might.'  
  
Mr. Hancock rubbed his rod with cotton wool, and showed it divert the stream of water. He smiled at the class, and pulled out a shrub from his desk.   
It had a light bulb with it. 'I've had this shrub for 8 years,' he said   
proudly. 'This light is it's only source of heat and light.' He wiped a   
tear from his cheek, as he admired it. 'I'm very proud of my bush.'  
  
'Oh god!' cried Kakaratt in laughter, right before she fell to the   
ground, where she laughed for ages. The teacher looked dumbfounded.  
  
'Are you ok?' he asked her. She didn't answer, as she was clutching her side, which hurt from laughing so much.  
  
'Oh..um, don't worry sir. She does this all the time,' said Axel.  
  
Kakaratt began hyperventilating with laughter. She thought she was   
going to pass out. Her body was convulsing, and she couldn't breath, so it   
looked like she was having a seizure.  
  
The teacher picked her up, and laid her out on his desk, and told a   
student to call an ambulance. 'Class, I'm going to pump Kakaratt hard, and try to get her to relax; she's having a seizure.' His choice of words only   
made Kakaratt laugh harder. She knew she had to breath, so she sucked in a   
breath.  
  
'Oh god stop sir! It hurts so much!' She laughed, referring to her   
aching side. The teacher now thought that he had somehow hurt her. He touched   
her, trying to calm her. 'Oh god!' she laughed. 'Your killing me! I swear   
your killing me!' Mr. Hancock gasped.  
  
'Oh god! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! If it weren't so hard, I'd make you feel better!' He said, unaware of any innuendoes he might have let slip.   
Kakaratt felt a stab of pain in her mouth, and realised that she had bit her   
tongue deeply. Blood seeped from her lips and ran down the sides of her face. Mr. Hancock was nearly panicking.  
  
'Sir!' said a student. 'Don't you have a medium sized first aid package behind your desk?'  
  
Mr. Hancock's face brightened. 'Oh yeah! Hang on Kakaratt! I'll take   
out my package! My package will make you feel 5 by 5! It's a good thing it's   
so large, otherwise it mightn't have important things in it like a   
stethoscope.' He took it out, and put on the stethoscope. 'Now, I'm   
gonna play doctor, and you're my patient.' Kakaratt was now banging her head   
off the desk in her convulsions. Mr. Hancock put it to her heartbeat. He   
listened closely, then pulled away. 'It's throbbing powerfully!' Axel   
slapped his forehead and tried to suppress a chuckle and a grin. Was   
the teacher really *that* ignorant?  
  
Suddenly, one student shouted.  
  
'Look! Here comes Jesus!' he shouted, pointing to the schools' resident   
Jesus, who claimed to have healing powers.  
  
'Look busy everybody!' cried Qbuu. Axel punched his palm.  
  
'My mortal enemy is neigh,' he said in fake deep and evil voice. Qbuu   
looked at him for a few seconds with a "shut up" expression, before smacking   
him. 'What?' whinged Axel. 'I need enemies!'  
  
'70% of the population thinks that your evil. Only fans of the band like you,' pointed out Qbuu bluntly.  
  
'So? They're not my enemies. I'm their enemy, but they're not mine. I   
need somebody to hate, and people as a whole don't count.' Meanwhile, Jesus   
was waving his hands over Kakaratt, pretending to be actually doing   
something. Kakaratt, with great effort, had managed to calm to the point of   
gasping.  
  
'Axel! You *gasp* gotta get me outta here! *laugh*'  
  
'We gotta get her to a hospital!' cried Mr. Hancock. 'Her inner muscles   
are spasming, and she might blow a big organ if she keeps going!' Axel and   
Qbuu were unable to conceal their laughter, and they both let it spew forth   
in badly suppressed chuckles.  
  
'Oh god it's spreading! What if I catch it!?' cried Mr. Hancock while   
waving his hands in a really pocney manner.  
  
'Jesus Christ!' cried Qbuu.  
  
'Actually, my name is Jesus Jonathan Smith,' said Jesus.  
  
'Shut up, god boy, or I'll crucify you. On an inverted crucifix,'   
warned Axel, now all serious and stuff. Jesus shrugged indifferently.  
  
'Could be worse. You could stab me,' he said. Axel's jaw dropped.  
  
'You like Monty Python too! It's so old, I never thought I'd find   
somebody else who ever heard of it!' Axel wrapped his arm around Jesus'   
shoulder. 'I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.' Jesus looked at him oddly.  
  
'What's..."Monty Python"?' Axel looked at him strangely, and slipped   
away quietly, muttering "weirdo" under his breath. During this time,   
Kakaratt had managed to stop laughing, and had swung her legs over the side of desk. She looked like she might be set off again at the slightest thing, such as a witty T-shirt slogan, or an old woman falling down a flight of stairs.  
  
'Axel?' she said, with a crazy smile on her face. 'Lets get out of here. I need some fresh air.'  
  
Axel agreed, and escorted her to the lawn in front of the school, while   
Qbuu tried to explain what happened to the teacher and the rest of the   
class.  
  
Kakaratt plopped herself down on the grass, and began to laugh when she   
saw a flower that looked like the head of a penis. She managed to get it   
under control. Axel sat next to her.  
  
'So, that teacher is really funny, huh?' chuckled Kakaratt. Axel raised   
his eyebrow.  
  
'You think?' Axel was feeling a bit broody. He could feel a depression   
coming on, just as one has a sense of doom when entering the lair of a   
man eating Tri-clops, or their grandparents' house. 'Now, to get down to   
business. How we-' Kakaratt burst out laughing and pointed to a fat   
woman trying to get on to a bus on the other side of the street. She couldn't   
have been less than 500 pounds. Axel coughed, trying to get her attention.   
She suppressed her chuckles, and apologized.  
  
'It's just that she was stuck! And that was a wheelchair accessible   
bus!'   
Axel let out a small chuckle.  
  
'It was rather entertaining, but about the school...' Kakaratt coughed   
and brushed a few hairs out of her face, returning them to the spiky mass   
that trailed down her back and touched the ground.  
  
'Yes. Indeed. What do you propose?' she asked diplomatically.  
  
'I'm gonna buy the school. Then I'm gonna remodel it. Maybe play some   
good music in the corridors. I'd fire all the teachers and get good ones.   
Maybe the teachers from our old school? They're cool. Then I'd-' He was   
interrupted again when Kakaratt burst out laughing once more. She   
pointed to a woman wearing all expensive fur, who had a small, pink, shaved French poodle.  
  
'I guess rich people do really live around here,' muttered Axel under his breath. Kakaratt eventually calmed down and let Axel go on.  
  
'Then I'd set up a written hierarchy, with us on top, and Qbuu our   
aide, shoeshine boy, field nigger, ect.ect. Then below us are our favoured   
students, then the teachers, other staff, jocks, ect.ect.' Kakaratt raised   
her hand. 'Yes?'  
  
'We need to shock and creep people out as much as possible. Your weird,   
so that's grand, but I need to be spookier. I think I should go-' She   
would have gone on, but she saw the funniest thing ever. A midget. He   
couldn't have been even three feet tall, and he was walking along, whistling.   
She pointed and laughed. Axel sighed. He wasn't in a laughy mood right now,   
and grew weary of Kakaratt's incessant laughing. He envied her for being   
able to do it.  
  
'That's very funny Kakaratt, I'm sure, but-'  
  
'-Oh god!' She collapsed, laughing so hard. 'Look! He's trying to push the   
button to make the green man come so he can cross the street!' Axel looked,   
and sure enough, the midget was jumping up and down trying to hit the   
button, which was about four and a half feet from the ground. After   
several minutes, the midget gave up and walked away, looking depressed. Another few minutes later, Kakaratt stopped laughing.  
  
'Where was I?' She began. 'Oh yeah! I think I should go goth.' Axel   
looked at her with his deadpan and depressed eyes, before he began roaring   
with laughter. Kakaratt frowned and glared at him. Axel couldn't help   
himself. He held his sides, trying to stop laughing, but it just wouldn't work. 'Stop laughing!' she demanded. 'I was serious!'  
  
'I know!' he said between gasps and laughs. 'That's what makes it so funny!'   
Kakaratt was getting a bit annoyed with him. She decided to play her trump   
card. She inwardly smirked. She was going to make her brother squirm.  
  
'God, Axel! Whenever I say something serious you laugh at me! Sometimes   
I love you, but sometimes I hate so much I could just rip of your clothes   
and ravage you the way I do in my dreams every night!' she said very   
quickly. Axel's laugh caught in his throat and he began choking. He coughed it out, and looked at her, jaw dropped.  
  
'What!?!' he squeaked in shock. Kakaratt pretended to be all embarrassed.   
She looked away and shyly rubbed legs together. 'What did you say?!'   
She crawled over to Axel, wrapped her arms around his neck and put her face   
close to his. Dangerously close. Axel was sweating all over. He had a   
nervous grin on his face that was on the verge of afraid.  
  
'I'm sorry Axel,' she said quietly, nervously, seductively, lovingly.   
'I've always......it's just that.......I never....you always.........to me   
your.....more than....' On the inside she was gleeful with mischief.   
She leaned over, causing him to flinch backwards. He managed to squirm from   
under her, and he scampered backwards, until he was pressed up against   
a wall. Kakaratt crawled after him on all fours. She got up close,   
leaning her body against his. Axel felt like he might faint. She moved to his ear and whispered in the softest voice he had ever heard her use.  
  
'I want you to make love to me. Right now.' Axel screamed and pushed   
her off him. Without using ki, or his arms, he somehow managed to get on his   
feet about 10 yards away. He was nervous, freaked and scared. Kakaratt, who   
had landed upside down on her head (and had not moved from that position),   
began to roar with laughter. 'I'm only joking Axel! God! Your so uptight!'   
Axel released a breath that he didn't even know he had been holding. He   
shivered a few times, getting the creepiness away, before glaring at her. The   
glare couldn't hold, and he smirked. Kakaratt stopped laughing. She knew that   
whenever Axel smirked, he was up to something. Axel broke out in a run   
for her. Kakaratt held out her hands and was shouting at him to stop. He   
tackled her to the ground and began to tickle her mercilessly.  
  
'Your gonna pay, bitch!' He attacked her sides, causing her to howl in   
laughter. 'I'll "Make love to you", sis, if that's what you want, you   
two bit slut!' he said, meaning he was going to tickle her to death. A   
nearby teacher gave them the weirdest look as he walked by. Neither of the   
twins noticed. It just happened to be the same teacher who had see Axel and   
Qbuu in a weird position on Monday, and had seen Kakaratt and RHX in a   
compromising hold the day after. He mumbled under his breath about how   
disgusting they were.  
  
Meanwhile, something sinister was watching them from across the street.  
  
'Soon, Kakaratt. Soon, you will be what I use to destroy the universe!   
Hahahaha!!'  
  
'Uhh....Dude? Why don't you just use your really big death thingy? It's ready!'  
  
'Cool. But where's the fun in that?'  
  
'Uhh....I think it's in the part where you say 'Fire!' and I press the   
big red button that says 'do not push' and then there's the cool explosion.'  
  
'........what's the point in making a button if you're not meant to push it?'  
  
'I thought it would impress people.'  
  
'..........Impress who? Everybody is going to die!'  
  
'Even us!?'  
  
'Yes! Even----oh shit.'  
  
'Should I destroy everything now man?'  
  
'No! We'll find a way to destroy everything, except us.'  
  
'What about video game designers?'  
  
'Except us, video game designers, and power plant workers, so that there's power for the games.'  
  
'And shop keepers so that we can buy the new games. Lets not forget our   
favourite bands, man.'  
  
'............You know, I think we seriously need to rethink our plans.'  
  
'I agree. What about our really big death thingy?'  
  
'That?......Scrap it. It probably would have never worked anyway. Maybe   
we could trade it in for a car with wheels!'  
  
'Wheels? Woah....extreme, dude.'  
  
------  
  
Axel and Kakaratt went on with the school day as usual. History class   
was the most interesting class. The teacher was talking about the battle of   
Little Bighorn, and had dressed up as an Indian. It was grand, but nobody   
liked the fact that whenever he turned his back to the class, his tight   
hairy arse was very visible.  
  
Home economics was next.  
  
Axel, Qbuu and Kakaratt entered the class, and were greeted by a male   
teacher in a suit and with a really bad comb over. 'Greetings class.   
I'm Mr. Pimslot. Today we'll be cooking cake. I have all your ingredients   
ready, so you just have to prepare it.' Kakaratt didn't laugh at his name   
because she was all laughed out for the next few hours.  
  
Axel, Qbuu and Kakaratt were put into a group of three, and sent to a   
small cooking unit that was isolated compared to the other units. The three   
friends put on their aprons, and began to prepare the cake. Axel did   
all the work, Qbuu cracked jokes, and Kakaratt was thinking about "alternative" uses for the utensils and other cooking apparatus. Axel was about to put the cake in the microwave to cook it, when Qbuu added a secret ingredient.  
  
'What's that?' Asked Axel.  
  
'It's for flavour,' replied Qbuu in his stoner voice. 'Coke mixed with   
ground up Ex.' Axel briefly considered it, before shrugging and putting   
it in the microwave. He set it to bake for 30 minutes. When it was   
cooking in the microwave, the trio took seats at the desks that had been pushed up against the wall. Axel looked around the class, and noticed that there was an unusually large number of guys who weren't blonde. Or, to more   
accurate, there was only one blonde guy in the room who was also a body builder.   
Axel alerted Kakaratt and Qbuu to it, and the oddest thing happened.  
  
'Yeah, your right. There seems to be a lack of BBB's,' said Kakaratt,   
who looked to Qbuu for conformation.  
  
'What are you talking about?' he replied. 'There aren't that many BBB's   
in this school.' He received the weirdest looks from the two demi   
Saiya-jins.   
Suddenly, Elizabeth burst in, looking flustered. Her purple crushed   
velvet corset had become untidy, and she was panting for breath. Axel shot up   
and approached her.  
  
'What is wrong, my love?' She didn't reply, but instead dragged him out   
into the deserted corridor, where she could talk with him without anybody   
else hearing. Axel looked into her eyes with his, and repeated himself.   
'What is it that worries thee?'  
  
'Thy witches coven met, to discuss the changes in reality, and have confirmed that there is a most unusual flux in the space-time continuum.'   
The door to the home economics room opened, and Kakaratt emerged.  
  
'What's going on? I heard everything,' she said. Elizabeth decided that   
it was best that she hear it as well.  
  
'I was talking with the coven, and there are some shifts in the   
space-time continuum. We went to check it out, and we saw a Vegeta Enterprises truck of autonomically correct Vegeta action figures disappear into thin air! It vanished into a portal, but the portal closed up after it, and moved to a different location. It will never open at that location again.' Axel and Kakaratt looked interested.  
  
'Wow,' said Kakaratt.  
  
'This isn't just an isolated incident, though,' continued Elizabeth.   
'The night of the London concert, Vegeta and I saw a truck like it get   
hijacked. I'm willing to bet that that one vanished too. And don't forget the   
plane that was hijacked a couple of months ago. Somebody is taking those   
dolls for something,' she concluded.  
  
'Cool!' said Kakaratt excitedly. 'Evil is afoot, and my dad's dolls are   
a primary plot element!'  
  
Axel looked thoughtful, and spoke up. 'Could it have something to do   
with the blonde body builders vanishing?' Elizabeth looked confused.  
  
'What?'  
  
'This school was packed with BBB's at the beginning of the week. Now   
there are fewer blondes than brunettes. It seems as if....Hey!' Axel started   
suddenly. 'Kakaratt? Remember when BIF attacked you, he made a hasty exit?'   
Kakaratt nodded. 'No, he didn't. He was on the ground one second, and   
the next, he was gone!' Kakaratt thought over the scene, and found it did   
seem rather true.  
  
'But that means that something is messing with peoples' minds; making   
them forget!' she realised.  
  
'Really?' Mused Elizabeth thoughtfully. 'It would explain why this school is   
known for it's many BBB's, even though there aren't that many here....Whoever is doing this is doing a poor job of covering up their tracks. If they wanted it to be undetectable, they would have altered all of   
reality, and not just our memories......well, if they aren't powerful enough   
to do that, then they're not as big a threat as I first thought,' she   
concluded.  
  
'Unless if their diabolical plan doesn't need that degree of stealth,   
and they're about to strike at any day with overwhelming force and/or   
numbers,' pointed out Kakaratt off-handedly. She yawned, and said , 'It's nothing I couldn't handle in the blink of an eye.' Elizabeth eyed her   
searchingly. After much internal debating, she asked Kakaratt a question that she had wondered for some time.  
  
'Just how strong are you?' Kakaratt coughed uneasily.  
  
'That's a hard question. I don't know how strong I am,' she said.   
Elizabeth studied her intensely. 'At my best, I was stronger than mom, but I   
don't remember. It's a long story.'  
  
'You went insane and tried to blow up the universe. You don't remember   
it, but you actually came pretty close,' said Axel dryly. He turned to   
Elizabeth. 'Thou hast unlimited access to thy thoughts, my love.   
Couldst thou not have asked thee?' Elizabeth nodded, and looked at him   
lovingly. She turned back to Kakaratt.  
  
'Yes, but how strong *are* you? Right now, what's your limit?' Kakaratt   
looked around darkly, and muttered something under her breath. 'What?' Kakaratt muttered louder. 'Speak up!' Coaxed Elizabeth.  
  
'Three!' shouted Kakaratt. 'I can't go past level three. I'm ashamed of   
it. Mom was level four by the time she was my age. Dad says I need to train   
to get stronger, but I couldn't be arsed to! I get stronger everyday anyway.   
The bottom line is, fuck this evil power. Dad's always there to kill those things.  
  
'.........so....you're not gonna do anything about it?' asked   
Elizabeth. Kakaratt looked at Elizabeth oddly.  
  
'No. I don't care. They can be evil all they want, just as long as they   
don't bother me.'  
  
'But......What if.....' struggled Elizabeth. Kakaratt shook her head.  
  
'Sorry. I have spoken. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a class to attend,'   
she said. She walked to the door of the home ec. room and reached for   
the handle. She opened the door, and there was a loud explosion. Suddenly,   
she was covered in cake. She blinked a few times as her brain tried to   
register what had happened. The microwave with Axel's cake in it had exploded, covering the room with cake (and drugs). Suddenly, the teacher pushed past Kakaratt, and stalked over to Axle.  
  
'You are in BIG trouble young man!' Yelled the teacher. Axel put on his   
"innocent" face.  
  
'Opps.....I guess I shouldn't have cooked my cake that way, huh?'  
  
'Cooked!? How can you say that you cooked it? You stuck the little   
bastard in the microwave! My room is ruined! You'll have to pay to fix it!'   
Axel raised his left eyebrow and pulled out his wallet. He started flipping   
through bills.  
  
'Sure. How much? 20? 30?'  
  
'It will cost several hundred! Not 20 or 30!' Axel coughed.  
  
'I meant 20 or 30 thousand, but if it will only cost a few hundred,   
take this,' he said, handing the man a thousand zeni note. It had a picture   
of Vegeta on it. The teacher looked satisfied, and went back into the   
classroom.  
  
'I'm covered in cake,' said Kakaratt in a deadpan tone, looking   
accusingly at Axel.  
  
'And I could just eat you up,' cooed Axel sarcastically.  
  
'I'm covered. In cake,' she repeated firmly. 'These are my good clothes!'  
  
'It's a good chance for you to get your gothic ones,' sneered Axel,   
snickering at the idea.  
  
'What's that?' asked Elizabeth.  
  
'Oh, you don't know yet. Axel and I are taking over the school, and I   
want to seem as evil and creepy as possible, so I want to become a goth. It   
seems easy. Don't smile, act all poetic and stuff, and say things like "Woe   
is me" and "In the darkest dark of the dark darkness". I can do that!'   
exclaimed Kakaratt confidently.  
  
'You laugh at people if they're having a bad hair day! How could you   
ever become a goth?!' demanded Axel.  
  
'Umm......'  
  
'Wait!' Said Elizabeth. 'There may be hope. All she needs is a good   
mentor. I know this guy.....' Her voice went quiet, and she became quite dark.   
'He is so goth that his smile muscles have atrophied due to disuse. Nobody   
knows what his story is, but he's widely regarded as the biggest goth that   
ever.....umm.....gothed. I just said that, didn't I?' The two Saiya-jins   
nodded. 'Oh god....I'm becoming a typical American woman. I'd rather be   
French. At least they have DeSade to boast about. What do we have?!   
George fucking Bush?!'  
  
'I wanna meet this guy,' said Kakaratt. 'Lets go. Now.' she grabbed   
Elizabeth and dragged her outside. 'Now, where does he live?'  
  
'Woah...calm down. He lives in London.' Kakaratt was feeling excited   
and very impatient. She teleported herself and Elizabeth to London. 'In the   
Tower Of London.' Kakaratt let go of her.  
  
'He lives in the tower of London?' she asked. 'As in, that big spooky   
place where people were killed, and stuff?' Elizabeth nodded. 'Lets go.' And   
so they departed for the tower.  
  
- 


End file.
